Recovery Connections Network

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

“Whatever happens, I’ll just keep moving forward. Like an avalanche.”

-Michelle Phan

“Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.” -Francis of Assisi

“Look at what you want to change, gather a few people who believe in it like you do, and start moving forward. It’s important to remember that you don’t always need a destination. Sometimes, you just have to make forward motion. And you absolutely can.” -Debby Ryan

Sobriety doesn’t mean the end of problems but it does offer a clear way to move through problems and into solution, which fosters growth and confidence. In the past, alcohol clouded thinking; often leaving me feeling overwhelmed or unable to deal with an issue. Additionally, I drank -at- problems. A tough day at work or fight with family would be all the justification I needed to escape into alcohol. This further exacerbated everything; I still had the original issue plus a hangover. Over time, problems went unsolved and relationships crumbled.

Today, I understand that problems are temporary while solutions are permanent. Some problems can take longer than others to conclude, yet by practicing Statement #4 I am better able to stay focused and not exaggerate an issue. Instead of a problem feeling overwhelming or threatening, I can choose to see a problem as an opportunity for growth.

Some problems can also become some of the best teachers. Through them, I have found strength, resiliency and greater understanding and appreciation. At one time in my life, the prospect of driving a car was terrifying, but now, driving is a joy. Answers to difficult questions have come to light moving through problems and it feels empowering to be standing on a solid foundation of solutions.

Hugzzz, Karen

Hi 4C Women,

I love Karen’s sentiment of feeling empowered to be standing on a solid foundation of solutions. There was a time when I felt completely incapable of making any decisions. I was fearful of making a mistake and being harshly judged. Of course, I was the main offender in judging myself. When I became separated from my husband, I had no choice but to start trusting my instincts, to learn from my mistakes rather than punish myself and to recognize whether something was truly a situation that needed my attention in problem solving or a situation that I had blown up from that proverbial molehill into a mountain. Fortunately, I was sober and had been in therapy yet after years of negative thinking about my capabilities, it was challenging to see myself differently, in a positive light. Any mistake in judgment created a life-time fear and believe me, I made a lot of mistakes but I had that aha moment realizing we were created to be real, not perfect. Perfection can be a huge destroyer of our self-esteem.

I began to recognize that I allowed problems to grow like a wild fire in my mind. It was exhausting. I found myself making assumptions that didn’t even relate to the “presumed” problem. I believe it finally turned into an issue of control. If I couldn’t control every aspect of my life, control the outcome, then I was inadequate. Practicing Statement 4 truly changed my approach to understanding that I was more than capable of making decisions no matter what the outcome. That was a major turning point in my New Life. Now, many years later, I am so grateful for the guidance WFS gave me. I said goodbye to the fearful woman and welcomed a 4C woman. I sure was glad to meet her and keep her.

I encourage you to consider how you view your decision-making skills, your ability to problem solve.

Are you judging yourself too harshly?
Are you able to move through, learn and forgive yourself for past mistakes?
Do you seek input from others or is the fear of feeling inadequate getting in the way?

We are bonded together and that includes learning from each other. We are wise and caring and have so much to offer this world!

*Today is 9/11. As I reflect on that day, and considering what so many people are going through at this very moment due to the hurricanes, fires and loss of life, my heart is filled with awe as thousands of people throughout the nation are helping those in great need. We remain a country of courageous people, helping others as best we can and showing our love, our special bond for those struggling in ways we can only imagine. It is encouraging and heartwarming to witness the caring support being given today as we did on 9/11. This outpouring of love is who we truly are. -WFS Member

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