Recovery Connections Network

Tuesday, September 4, 2018

“To be human is to be visible.” ~~Amy Sherald

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?” ~~Marianne Williamson

“Love unlocks doors and opens windows that weren’t even there before.” ~~Mignon McLaughlin

Statement #10:

All love given returns.

I am learning to know that I am loved.

Statement #10, the second of the WFS “Love” Statements can be difficult to put into practice. If we did not experience or feel love when we were young and vulnerable, we may not feel comfortable or may be wary of intimate and loving relationships. This separation can serve as a false sense of protection while unknowingly instilling loneliness, but the desire to feel loved is what bonds us as human beings. Instead of isolation, connection encourages love.

Here are four tips for creating connection in our lives by Lori Deschene:

1. Initiate meaningful conversations.

You can initiate this type of exchange with anyone at almost any time simply by asking about the other person, fully listening to what they have to say, and then finding common ground. Naturally some people will stay shut down, but it’s worth the risk of feeling vulnerable to find the ones who won’t.

2. Give the gift of your presence.

Often when we converse with people, we’re not fully listening; we’re formulating our response in our heads and waiting for our turn to talk. We’re not only doing the other person a disservice when we do this; we’re also shortchanging ourselves. Think about the last time you really opened up to someone. It likely required you to feel a level of comfort and trust, even if you didn’t yet know that person very well. The act of opening up is itself an offering of love. In recognizing this and welcoming it by fully hearing other people, we are, in fact, receiving love.

3. Open up your love valve.

Just like a heart valve prevents blood from flowing backwards, our love valve might block the flow of energy in our interactions. This generally happens when we get too caught up in our head, thinking, analyzing and wanting more, instead of being present and allowing a natural give and take. Come into the moment, take the pressure off the situation and avoid the urge to fill silences with chatter. Instead, picture the interaction as something cyclical in nature, where there’s a balance of sharing and listening, giving and receiving. When we clear the mental clutter and allow this type of flow, we are in essence, choosing to be love.

4. Change your beliefs about the world and love.

When we tell ourselves the same things over and over again, we end up creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. It you tell yourself that people don’t care, you’ll put that energy into the world and then easily find evidence to back it up. If you tell yourself you’ll never experience love, you’ll create barriers and then subconsciously repel it. Tell yourself a different story. There is a lot of love in the world, there’s plenty to go around, you deserve it and it’s coming to you every day.

What additional actions will you take today to amplify feeling loved?

Hugzzz

Karen

Hi 4C Women,

There are so many ways to experience love. A friend just lost her beloved pet and I thought of the unconditional love that pet gave to her for many years. There is no doubt that she knew she was loved. We each need love in some manner whether it is from a partner, spouse, child, sibling, friend, pet or individuals that cross our path during our lifetime. That sense of belonging, being cherished and accepted is all a part of knowing that as we give love, we are loved.

What has been the most challenging is when I have loved and it wasn't returned. I questioned my value and my worthiness. This is when I realized that some relationships are for learning. The life lesson is that I may not be loved by that particular person yet I am lovable, I am worthy, I am enough. Rather than feel there is something inherently wrong with me, I learned to trust my instincts, leave the situation/person and give my love where it will be received and welcomed with open arms. Gone are the days of trying to prove myself lovable, dishonoring my integrity to be a doormat people-pleaser to literally lose myself in the process. As we practice giving love, embrace the gift of being loved. Be open and willing to seek, give and accept love from your heart. It will begin to fill any empty space you have and give purpose and joy to your life. Know that you are loved!

Bonded in giving and receiving love,

4C WFS Member