DAILY MEMOIRS OF A RECOVE-REE JUNE 18

 

    I have been a Blogger for the past year and a half.I just completed my twelfth year of sobriety.Ninety five percent of the articles I post come from other sources.I know now is the time for me to share my hopes fears and struggles with the world.My decision to move forward comes from the inspiration of my beautiful wife's encouragement and support for which I am eternally grateful.I also would like to mention two fellow Bloggers Lauren and Amy there posts have also given me the courage to move forward and post.Growing up in a house of negativity is I guess the main reason for my lack of wanting to post and share my heart with the world.As a child I was always told you will screw it up and everyone is out to get you.I never got an opportunity to  become who I was meant to be for fear of failure and rejection.I became afraid to do just about anything.Guarded is what I became ,I built a wall around me,a wall so large it became a man made prison . Drugs ,alcohol , or in a meaningless relationship were my only means of feeling normal.The world had me convinced that this is how life works.My path of destruction left many casualties including myself.Life for me was painful to live ,confusing ,consumed with the evil of my actions always looking over my shoulder waiting for the consequences of my actions to bring punishment.Suicide was always a for-thought , but i lacked the courage to complete the horrid task.Thankful now for never taking the eternal leap into hell .A day came when amidst the blur of confusion and chaos , I fell to my knees sobbing uncontrollably I cried out to God ,I hate my life , myself , everything I ever done ! I cant keep living this way,if your real please help me.One year passed after my plea and under a bridge in Philly a man came out of no where and handed me a little black book ,in that book was a story about a mans life and the story ended with a man burning in hell,and it hit me like a truck the man in that story was me.Twelve years later , I look back not to dwell on regret ,but to learn and reflect how negativity built a prison in which I lived.Freedom is on the other side of those walls but you must first surrender yourself and stuff to GOD.