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Ask4Recovery – 6/11/13 – How do I set proper boundaries in my recovery?by Ask4Recovery
Hello friends! Today’s Ask…
How do I set proper boundaries in my recovery?
Ah, the question of boundaries. This can be a hard one. The definition of boundary is ‘something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent.’ I had no idea what boundaries were before I started on the road to recovery. I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it. The concept of setting boundaries was a foreign concept for me. They were blurred and nonexistent. When I was active in my addictions, people were like toys and I used them to manipulate to get exactly what I wanted from them. Ultimately, that is how I felt about myself as well. I was so far from living my truth and constantly manipulated and rationalized the destruction caused by my addictions. My loved ones bore the brunt of this. I expected them to be at my beckon call when I needed them and then blocked them out of my life as soon as I got what I wanted from them. I had no respect or regard for others, but most importantly, did not have any respect for myself. I had no identity and thus, had the inability to set proper boundaries, to assert myself, to express my feelings, or to effectively communicate. My relationships became enmeshed and my self-worth was very low.
Throughout my recovery I have learned what it means to set boundaries. I have learned that I can’t force my will onto others. I have also learned that it is okay to say no and not exert myself in every capacity to appease others. I have learned the meaning of ‘accepting others limitations.’ There are still times when I want someone to do something the way I want them to. Or to react a way I want them to. These expectations are just resentments waiting to happen. With the concept of boundaries comes the concept of acceptance. Acceptance of the person you are and honoring that person in each moment. With that honor comes a sense of identity and the ability to set proper boundaries. This is all a work in progress and I am learning something new about my boundary setting each day. The difference is now, I am aware and have the self-worth to set effective boundaries. Without admittance of powerlessness and surrendering to my addictions, none of this would have been possible!
How do you set proper boundaries? What has worked for you in your recovery? Let us know and join the movement!
Sending love,
Lauren
Ask4Recovery | June 11, 2013 at 10:57 am | Categories: Uncategorized | URL:http://wp.me/p3wKKk-4W
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