Monday, June 18, 2018

“Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.”  ~~Suzy Kassem

“The person we believe ourselves to be will always act in a manner consistent with our self-image.” ~~Brian Tracy

“You do not need to pay attention to those voices within you that create pain, or make you feel less competent, smart or able.”  ~~Sanaya Roman
Statement #12
 “I am a competent woman, and I have much to give life. ”
This is what I am and I shall know it always.
Doubt was a dark shroud that hung heavily across my life before sobriety and recovery.  It affected each aspect of life; from who I believed myself to be, to what was or wasn’t possible.  It would insert different levels of uncertainty and it was especially loud whenever an attempt was made to step out of a comfort zone.  Doubt would scream “It’s impossible!  - Don’t even try! and Who do you think you are?” 
With a negative pathway as wide as this, alcohol was an easy escape and slid right in and took up residence.

Through sobriety and the WFS New Life Program and, in particular, Statement #12, doubt can be evicted.  Like a magician using smoke and mirrors, doubt is an illusion.  In our WFS Beginner’s Collection booklet on page 46, the exercise asks us to “List all your accomplishments, all the thing you can do; sing, write, play the piano, do bookkeeping, teach, repair appliances, speak foreign languages, drive a car, type etc.”  From this one list, the illusion of doubt will lessen, while confidence and competence increase.

Building upon each of your abilities, an increase in feelings of competence arises.  Instead of finishing the above described list, maybe add to it every week, month or year to witness the progress.  Take many factors into consideration.  Maybe you began to play guitar last year and can strum quite a few songs yet also add the fact if you can now say “no” without guilt, meditate/ journal daily or finish what you started.  Paint your competence with a wide brush, enjoying your uncovered and bright New Life!

Hi 4C Women,
I am grateful for Statement #12 as I doubted my competency for much of my younger life. Now that I am 73, younger is up to at least 55! Drinking certainly didn't help but was a wonderful excuse for my disillusioned lack of adequacy in decision-making. I discovered that it was my fear of failure and making a mistake in choices that fed my negative thoughts. Going through my divorce was a kick in the butt to start believing that I was competent and thanks for WFS, I actually started trusting myself. I survived failures, mistakes and acknowledged the positive outcomes of my decisions when they occurred. It wasn't all or nothing, it was learning to accept and cope in a much healthier way.  
Here are some questions if you are struggling with believing you are a competent woman and have much to give life:

What makes us think we don't measure up?  

Why do we expect so little from ourselves? 
What kills our self-respect?  

Your answers will vary. Consider these:

*Are we looking too much for the approval of others?

*Are we perfectionists, expecting too much from ourselves?

*Are we intimidated by the lost battles and failures of the past?

*Are we over-impressed by the success of others?

*Are we trying to escape responsibility by claiming to be a failure?

*Are we lacking a sense of proportion? Do we tend to make mountains out of molehills?

*Is our sense of humor weak? Can we laugh at ourselves?

These are such great questions. I hope you will take the time to reflect on the questions you feel resonate with you.  

Bonded in competency,
4C WFS Member

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