I hate the word enable.
“He wouldn’t be in so much trouble if his parents didn’t enable him.”
“She’s an enabler.”
“I feel sorry for that family — they’re constantly enabling her.”
They are harsh words, often spoken with a slight hint of scorn. They are words of blame, words that carry a heavy load of shame. Too often we use words without thinking much about their implications, so let’s take a closer look at using the word enable.
Enable means to allow, facilitate, permit, make possible. Allow means to let, to permit, agree to, consent to, tolerate. Facilitate means to make easy, make possible, smooth the progress of, help, aid, assist. Permit means to authorize, sanction, give your blessing to.
Enough already.
I am here to speak for parents of kids who are struggling with drugs — as well as for the wives, husbands, fathers, mothers, grandparents, brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles of people who have substance use disorders. They may not all agree with what I have to say, but I suspect most will.
We do not “consent” to the pain and misery, the shame and fear, the destruction and despair of addiction. We do not seek to “aid” or “assist” addiction in its efforts to destroy our loved ones. We do not “make possible” this disease nor do we “tolerate” its horrors.
We do not authorize addiction to walk into our homes, we do not sanction it, nor do we give it our blessing.
We simply do not know — not in the beginning — how to fight back.
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