Navigating Around “Communication Traps” When Talking to Your Child
For some, the pandemic finds parents with endless hours within the same four walls of their teens. Boundless opportunity for great and insightful conversations? Not exactly, and easier said than done. Sometimes getting a conversation going is the hardest part, especially when talking about substance use. Your child may be defensive or disinterested, and you may find yourself falling into a “communication trap.” Do any of these sound familiar? The Lecturing Trap:
This trap is based on the idea that if you could just get one nugget of information across, your child would have an “AHA” moment and agree with what you’re saying. If you find yourself talking at your child rather than having a conversation with them, chances are you’ve gone into lecture mode. The Question and Answer Trap:
Often this type of conversation sounds like an interrogation. Are you finished with your homework? Did you drink tonight? What time did you get home? These all yield one-word answers. This is okay in some cases, but questions like these don’t lend themselves to a more meaningful conversation. The Scare Tactics Trap:
Scare tactics may work with very young children, but not with teens. They will hear what you have to say but discount it based upon their personal experiences, what their friends say or the idea that nothing bad will happen to them. — We use two types of questions in conversations: closed questions, which can be answered with one word, or open-ended questions, which invite a lengthier response. The benefit of asking open-ended questions is that they allow you to get more information and gain insights from your child’s answer. It’s especially useful if you find yourself falling into the “lecturing” and “question and answer” traps. Learn more about open-ended questions and practice in our online skill-building course >> | 
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