Saturday, December 16, 2017

“Responsibility to yourself means refusing to let others do your thinking, talking, and naming for you; it means learning to respect and use your own brains and instincts; hence, grappling with hard work.” ~~Adrienne Rich

“You are the most influential person you will talk to all day.” ~~Zig Ziglar

“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.” ~~Steve Maraboli
Sobriety and New Life was not something that I planned for. I certainly thought about it often, but mostly I feared it. How would I ever live without drinking? What would parties be like? What would holidays be like? Would I end up being lonely for the rest of my life? I allowed these thoughts to rule my mind for years. The practice of Statement #13 feels like a handy insurance policy.

Planning for uncertainty and responsibility was a new concept in early sobriety and Statement #13 helps me do that still. The first sober holiday season, I planned what to say when offered a drink and limited the number of alcohol abundant parties. This felt awkward because it was so different, but it was certainly not impossible. 

Owning my thoughts, I own my actions and respond accordingly. In the past, it was easy to shift blame to outside of myself, but then I also shifted the solution to outside as well. It is empowering to know I can decide and feel satisfied or even learn from the decisions. Today, I thrive without drinking, and parties or holidays are a celebration, not alcohol infused drama centers. Instead of feeling alone, I am part of this incredible WFS sisterhood…… thank YOU for being part of this beautiful tribe!

Hi 4C Women,

I like the idea of Statement 13 being an insurance policy. The payout is tremendous - a life of empowerment, freedom, healthy choices, life lessons rather than life sentences and lots of personal growth. Whenever I have a decision to make, I repeat Statement 13 to myself. It destroys the fear of making a mistake and at the same time, frees me to ask for help even knowing the final decision is mine.  

My greatest fear was actually having to take responsibility for my actions. I had so little confidence in my problem-solving, decision-making skills and if I made a mistake in my choice, well, that just validated the low opinion I had of myself. I always depended on others to decide for me. That strategy played well into my blame, victim game. I will never forget the time I was chatting with someone in the office and they said, "Don't you ever have an opinion of your own?" I was surprised but that is when this co-worker had the courage to tell me that every sentence began with, "Ed (my ex) said..." I was so unaware but in retrospect it was true and that co-worker did me a big favor. It took me a long time to reverse this thought process yet it wasn't until I found WFS that it became a major breakthrough. It felt scary and empowering all at the same time. I decided to stick with the empowerment feeling!

  • Do you trust your instincts and follow through on them? If so, think of a recent example.
  • List any positive things that resulted from a negative situation. What is the life lesson you learned?
  • What are the fears that keep you stuck from being responsible for your actions? How long are you willing to wait to release   these fears and move forward?
  • Whom do you seek help from and why do you trust them, feel safe in sharing your needs or fears with them?
  • What would you do if you were 10 times bolder?  
  • What commitment are you willing to make with or without someone else?
  • Lastly, write down 3 positive and powerful word pictures about yourself, i.e., "I am a bridge" and draw them.
All of these questions revolve around trust, releasing fears, life lessons, becoming empowered - Statement 13.  

4C WFS member
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