The excitement and adventure of a new life promises each of us a challenging life’s journey. Remember those hopeless days, filled with remorse and guilt, when nothing was able to rouse us from that fear and apathy? Today I promise myself I will value my sobriety, my life, and promise of my life’s dreams.
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I remember when I broke promises to myself and to others. You see, I was sick. I was so sick that I didn’t even know I couldn’t keep those promises I made. The person I was hurting, and letting down the most, was myself. I spent many mornings berating myself for being so weak-natured and self-indulgent. I thought if I was hard enough on myself, I would just quit because it made sense, because it was the right thing to do. I was a little more hard-headed than that. I started off the day with, “I am NOT drinking today!” only to drink that very afternoon. I opted to go to treatment and give myself a “real” chance at sobriety. There I was safe and in an environment that essentially protected me from myself.
I knew that the time had come to make a real commitment to sobriety. It meant a half-hearted, frightened promise of abstinence. As the days accumulated, I began to see where my strength, resolve, and promise lied, within my own heart and mind. WFS had already begun to work its wisdom in my thoughts. The idea that I was responsible for myself, for my disease, for the promises I would make to myself, wrapped itself around my brain.
“I, Littlelamb, do solemnly promise to love my self. I promise to care about my life and the lives of those I touch. I promise to live out loud, without fear. I promise to smile and laugh. I promise to bring joy into the lives of others whenever possible. I promise to forgive myself. I promise to hold the broken in the palm of my hand with tenderness and to show myself the same tenderness. I promise to not look back in shame, but ahead in hope. I promise to not pick up the first drink, no matter what is going on in my life.” Love, Julie “Littlelamb” [September, 2010]
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