Best of this week from Choose Help When Your Loved Ones Keep Relapsing Supporting those who keep going back out: how to maintain hope and effectively cope when a loved one just can't seem to stay sober. I've always hated it when folks refer to themselves as a "chronic relapser." It's not just a statement about their past; it's also a prediction of their future. For as much as I seek to challenge the thinking of those active in addiction, I have sympathy for the overwhelmingly painful form of powerlessness experienced by those who love them. After a sufficient number of crises, treatments, rehabs, and heartbreaks, many of us reach a point where continuing to have hope just feels like we're asking for disappointment. This is an easy place to get stuck emotionally. Assuming that we're not enabling, how do we maintain hope and effectively cope when our loved ones just can't seem to stay sober? Cumulative Recovery Every period of sobriety matters. I've served countless folks who have a number they can't get past. It's a pattern that gets perpetuated by relapse at a relatively fixed benchmark. For some it's 30, 60 or 90 days. The most common interval I've seen is six months. There's only so far a person can go in recovery without meaningfully soliciting and accepting support. For many of us, self destruction is what we do when we don't know what to do. Relapse: It's quick, efficient, and we do it very well. It's like hitting a reset button. I've gone as far as I'm confident going. I'm left with the choice of going into unchartered waters or returning to my comfort zone. The addict and affected other (those who love the addict) tend to take an extremely negative view of this cycle. The opportunity is to consider that something is gained in every period of abstinence and nothing that is learned, healed or implemented is ever more than temporarily lost. The question becomes: What's Going to be Different This Time? This must not be a rhetorical question. Breaking recurring patterns has to be done with careful planning and a high degree of accountability. Expecting that your loved one demonstrate responsibility is healthy. Demanding that they ensure a different outcome is not. None of us can offer guarantees. At the same time, we are free to ask ourselves what we need to change: Have we set healthy boundaries? Are there forms of support we could be offering? Most importantly, are we getting support for ourselves? This is the most overlooked aspect of the journey for most of the families I've served. Many seek professional support but fail to recognize the value of accessing Al-Anonand Nar-Anon. It's Ok to Be Angry In fact, whatever you feel is okay. A lot of us feel ashamed to find how upset we are with our friend . It's uncomfortable to resent someone you love. Many of us go to great lengths to hide it, which means resentments fester and pressure builds within us. This is not only a disservice to ourselves, it is also a very subtle form of enabling. Better to: Communicate Clearly & Honestly One of the best services we can provide for both active addicts and people in recovery is to simply be honest and direct. It's very healthy for us to share our experiences and hopes as long as we do so without expectations. This means no nagging, no coercion, and no pleading. I suggest giving straightforward feedback when asked, and asking permission to share in other circumstances. Using "I statements" is often our best strategy. Counselors recommend these because they are the least likely to elicit a defensive response. When we say, "You need..." or"You always..." we can watch the walls of our loved ones go up. When we talk about what we want, feel, and need, defenses are not necessary (though sometimes they come up any way). The best we can do is control our delivery. When You Just Want to Give Up First and foremost, it's understandable. I encourage people in recovery and affected others alike to stay away from words like "always" and "never." Doing things once and for all is rarely a good idea. If we need to take some time for ourselves, that's very healthy and it's good to communicate that we will be unavailable for a time. We can offer either a fixed amount of time or simply indicate that we will be in contact when we are ready to communicate again. I urge folks to consider what needs to change so that we can feel safe in reaching out again. Alas, there are times when we must "detach with love." We sometimes come to a point where the person we once knew is no longer at all present. The disease of addiction claims many long before death. Even here, my bias is not to give up. If we can offer any lifeline at all, this is preferable. If your loved one has become violent, abusive, or otherwise unsafe, I urge you to wait for evidence that they are approachable. Sadly, this often means a call from jail, prison, hospital or psych ward. May your hopes and prayers be answered soon! Read in browser »   Recent featured articles: "Am I an Alcoholic?" Dealing with Issues of Confidentiality in Residential Addiction Treatment Understanding "Powerlessness" and Why Acceptance Liberates You Learning to Forgive Yourself and Let Go of Guilt and Shame New Year's Introspection: About Taking Stock of Our Progress And, as always, thank you for reading! All the best to you and yours, Martin Schoel, founder of Choose Help P.S. If you’d like to dive into the conversation, make sure to follow us on Twitter or like us on Facebook (40K+ people do). FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO A LOVED ONE Do you or someone you know need rehab? Click or 'Tap' to speak with us now: (877) 333-5266

Best of the Week: January 17–23 COMING UP IN THE FIX// How to Recover from Recovery * Wildest Gambling Losses of All Time * To AA or Not To AA: a Debate Between Lance Dodes and Joseph Nowinski * New Pro Voices * Getting High on Our Own Supply * Changes *Ask an Expert * New Rehab Reviews * PLUS: Other incisive articles ACT NOW// Seven Steps to Fix the Opioid Addiction Crisis Now We already have most of the tools we need. By Dr. Richard Juman NO REGRETS// Not So Golden Hollywood's award season brings up ghosts of the past—what might have been, where I am now, and, finally, how lucky I am. By Malina Saval HIGH SOCIETY// 2014—The Year in Celebrity Drug Stories From bizarre product placements to tragic deaths, The Fixlooks at 15 of the most prominent celebrity drug-related stories of 2014. By McCarton Ackerman WILD TREATMENT// Can Horses and Dolphins Help You Kick the Habit? Animal-assisted therapy may not be the first thing you think of when it comes to recovery. It works, but how effectively? By Jeanene Swanson GOOD LAUGH// Joe Sober's Guide to the 12 Steps I'm gonna hypnotize you back to joy. By Joe Sober   BEST OF THE QUICK FIX One Year After Obama-Ordered Release, Former Drug Prisoner Finds New Career 'Big Bang Theory' Star Kaley Cuoco Admits to Nasal Spray Addiction Pot-Infused Sex Lubricant Company Expands to Colorado Workaholics More Susceptible to Risky Drinking Will Israel’s Ban on Underweight Models Have Any Impact on Eating Disorders? Taiwan Gamer Dies After Three-Day Gaming Binge COMMENT OF THE WEEK A Real Pain This week, Dr. Richard Juman discussed how we can end the opioid crisis now. Readers agreed that our current measures cause more problems than they solve: This is already impacting the people with severe chronic pain. Even people under the care of pain management specialists are finding all kinds of barriers in the way of getting their medicine at pharmacies. They're holding up dispensing drugs so the person who is on a stable maintenence dose who misses a few days winds up in agony and has to take higher doses for a while just to get the pain under control. And of course, if you go to the ER you're accused of drug seeking behavior. Do you know, according to NIH, there are virtually no studies longer than 16 weeks on long term use of opiates for chronic pain. There are people who are better treated with other drugs that are not opiates like amitriotyline for neurogenic pain, genuine muscle relaxants like tizanidine) and God knows if insurance paid for maintenance physical therapy instead of demanding improvent in each session that would be of great help in avoiding opiates. But for some people opiates are all there is at this time. And even for conditions like neurogenic pain better trated with other drugs, there is the phenominon of breakthrough pain, which may well require opiates. -Camilla Cracchiolo, RN MORE »

January 22 CHAPTER 91 v 2 v 3 TWELVE STEPPING WITH STRENGTH FROM THE PSALMS

This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge , my place of safety; he is my God , and I trust Him . For He will rescue you from every trap and protect you from deadly disease .

(GODS BIG BOOK)

STEP 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God .

Refuge - anything to which one has recourse for aid, relief, or escape.

The other day I shared a post about God being the one and only true HP. Many attacked me said I was intolerant !I warned about new comers being mis guided by the instruction that your HP could be a porcelain cat or anything that suits them . Someone even commented to me that their fathers higher power was a tree stump and as life changed so did there HP. Before you make your choice and invest your time and trust your life with a porcelain cat or tree stump ,you need to know the 12 steps were based on GOD . A GOD that is real and has a book about Life that you can use in times of trouble. A GOD that has a written plan for your life  . A GOD that LOVES you and PROTECTS you ! A GOD who knows how many tears you have cried and how many hairs you have on your head.I could go on ,but there is not enough ink or paper too write all HIS promises down . The Proverb is just a few verses of HIS promises for you and all those in the world. Just because we cant wrap our little brains around that does not make it un true or wrong. Once you surrender and get out of GODS way and get rid of the stump and porcelain cat you can follow the one true GOD (HP).

Isaiah 44:6 I am the first and I am the last, And there is no God besides Me.(GODS BIG BOOK) By Joseph Dickerson

The Council of Southeast Pennsylvania, Inc.                                                   and           Pennsylvania Recovery Organization --      Achieving Community Together (PRO-ACT)  Recovery in Our Communities January 21, 2015   www.councilsepa.org Information and Recovery Support Line 24/7: 800-221-6333 Recovery Community Mourns the Loss of a Hero When we think of an example of how our personal recovery can be a light for the rest of the world, and who models the kind of life that we aspire to live, Bruce Huberman is one of those inspirations. Service to humanity happens on so many different levels, and thankfully in a colorful variety of ways to which there is no end. The people who most inspire us are the ones who take service to the max; the people who create new ways to support others, who collaboratively strive to bridge the gaps, who see something missing and in turn, see an opportunity to create a new possibility. Bruce did this - he took service to the max and humbly helped more people than can ever be counted.  Not only was Bruce in service to the mutual aid fellowship of his choosing, Bruce was extraordinarily in service to the larger recovery community.  Through the innovative creation of his award winning 12 Step Gazette recovery magazine in 2008, Bruce created a new vehicle for the local recovery community to share information, ideas, resources, events and entertainment.  The readership of the 12 Step Gazette would go on to reach over 10,000 and act as a mechanism to broaden the support an individual in or seeking recovery could access.  If a heroic life is all about overcoming your own challenges in order to leave this world better off than you found it, then Bruce led a heroic life in every sense of the word.  Bruce created something new that would go on to impact people in a uniquely profound way, and the recovery community and larger world is better off as a result. Our hearts go out to those closest to him, who have lost who he was in all of his humanity. For those of us who were touched by his gifts, our hearts are full of joy for having had an example of a life well lived. Brooke M. Feldman Project Coordinator Supporting Youth Recovery Program The Council of Southeast Pennsylvania, Inc. / PRO-ACT Services for Bruce will be held Thursday, January 22 at 12:30 pm at Goldstein's Funeral Home, 310 2nd Street Pike Southampton PA 18966 followed by a graveside service at Roosevelt Memorial Cemetery located at 2701 Old Lincoln Hwy, Trevose PA 19053. All are welcome.   Overdose Prevention, Education and Naloxone Response Training - Cancelled for 1/21/15 and Rescheduled for 1/28/15 An overdose can leave family and friends feeling hopeless and helpless. But families and community members now have a tool to save lives with the recently enacted Good Samaritan Law. If you want to learn what to do in case of an overdose and how to administer the life-saving overdose-reversal agent called Naloxone, please join us for this important community training.Email or call David Fialko at 215-230-8218 x3162 for questions or to register.     Presented by The Council and Hosted by Penn Foundation  700 S Main Street Sellersville PA  Wednesday, January 28, 2015  7:00 - 8:00 pm Support The Council with EScrip! Now there is a convenient way to contribute to The Council just by registering your credit/debit/rewards card! Participating merchants will make contributions to The Council based on purchases made by you, just by using the cards you have registered. It's that easy!  Click here to find out how it works!  Volunteer for The Council/PRO-ACT !! Contact one of our Volunteer Coordinators: Central Bucks:  Email or call Rick at 215-345-6644 Southern Bucks:  Email or call Karen at 215-788-3738 x100 Philadelphia: Email or call She-Ria at 215-233-7700 or Email John or call 215-923-1661  Chester, Delaware and Montco: Email or call John at 215-923-1661 PRO-ACT Recovery Walks! Committees: Email  or call John at 215-923-1661 AT OUR CENTERS Planning to Sustain Recovery - every Tuesday 7 - 8:30 pm and every Thursday 10 - 11:30 am at CBRCC, 252 W Swamp Road, Unit 12, Doylestown.  Educational support group to help individuals in all stages of recovery plan goals and action steps to sustain recovery. To registeremail or call Jeanne at 215-345-6644.   Gateway to Work every Monday, Tuesday and Thursday at 11:00 am at SBRCC, 1286, Veterans Highway, Unit D-6, Bristol; 2nd and 4th Wednesdays of the month at 1:00 pm at CBRCC, 252 W Swamp Road, Doylestown. Get help with resume building, barriers to employment and motivation. Contact Rick at 215-345-6644 or email for more information. Click here for January calendars!    Employment Opportunities: Click here

DONATE Donations help us to reduce the impact of addiction for more individuals and families. The Council is a 501(c)(3) organization.

Women for Sobriety, Inc. This is Our Choice, to grow and let go. ҉  “Your life has always been a process of growing and outgrowing.  You quickly outgrew your clothes as an infant.  You outgrew your shoes before you wore them out.  You took great pride when you grew beyond that mark on the tree, the door frame, or the chart in school.  You were happy when you grew through puberty into your adolescent body.  However, for some reason, today it is difficult to accept you have out-grown a habit, career, relationship, or even your hometown.  You hold on, afraid to let go, trying to make it work, subjecting yourself to physical, emotional, and spiritual pain.  This is not a good thing!  If life is going to work in your behalf, you must give yourself permission to grow.  If it no longer makes you happy; if you are searching unsuccessfully for ways to make it work; if you know in your heart of hearts that whatever it is, it’s over---let go and grow.  Be willing to search for new ways to grow.  Be open to new environments to grow in.  Always be on the lookout for people who are growing and are willing to help you grow.  Never feel bad about your growth.  Some people will not support you.  Others will try to make you feel bad.  You might be afraid.  You might even experience some pain. Know that it is all a part of growing and growing up.  If you need a little taste of the pain you will create when you do not allow yourself to grow, stick your feet into the shoes you wore to the high school prom!” Faith in the Valley by Iylanla Vanzant ********************************************************************* Statement #8, “The fundamental object of life is emotional and spiritual growth.” Daily I put my life into a proper order, knowing which are the priorities. *********************************************************************      “Why don’t you act your age?!”  “Why don’t you just grow up?”  “What on earth are you waiting for?”  There were just a few of the questions/judgments that I said to myself again and again before my New Life.  Alcohol stopped growth in my life cold.  Done.  Over.  I thought, felt and acted in ways that kept me stuck.  Stuck in drama, stuck in negativity, stuck in life.  There was no room for growth with alcohol in my life and I had no idea what I was missing.      Sobriety and Statement #8 in action provides a portal for growth to enter and evolve.  I have come so far already.  I have grown into a 4C woman who has so much to give life.  I feel purpose, I feel strength and I feel value.  By giving myself permission to grow, I move into the real me and leave behind the old vocabulary and criticisms.      Accepting and living in growth also takes off so much pressure, especially pressure relating to competition.  I am able to use my own yardstick and compare myself to myself instead of trying to attain or achieve the unattainable.      Growth also enables me to release what was, which creates room for what is.  On occasion, other individuals do not appreciate or assist in my growth; however, I continue on.  It then becomes just another landmark that I have reached.  I have found new horizons and new avenues and continue to discover moments to cherish. Do you acknowledge your growth?  If not, why not? Where would you like to grow next? Hugzzz, Karen ~…..~…..~…..~…..~…..~…..~…..~…..~…..~…..~…..~ Hi 4C Women,      One question that came to my mind in Karen’s message is something from a previous message from Nancy and it was “Who or What is getting shortchanged in your life now?”      When we are unwilling to embrace change, someone pays the price.  For me this year, I have come to the realization that it is me.  Many times we put others before our own well-being out of guilt and shame of behavior from the past that cannot or ever will be changed.  I strongly feel that our priority is definitely to let go of the shame and guilt and let our guiding force be based on our emotional and spiritual growth.  This is our choice - to grow and let go.  Are you willing and ready?  -Dee ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Thank you, Karen and Dee, for your words of encouragement and inspiration to start off our week! ~Becky Fenner, WFS Director Email:  newlife@nni.com   *   Tel: 215-536-8026   *   Fax:  215-538-9026 http://www.womenforsobriety.org   *   http://www.wfscatalog.org

Moms: Please join us "In The Rooms", on Thursday, Jan. 22, 2015, at 7 PM ET. Our guest expert is one of our very own TAM moms! TOPIC: STRESS! GAYNELLE GOSSELIN is an Adjunct Professor of Somatics, at Palm Beach Atlantic University. She holds a B.A. in Theatre, Magna Cum Laude, from St. Edward’s University, and a MFA in Theatre from Florida Atlantic University. Gaynelle is a movement specialist with a keen interest in how mind and body interact in communication and stress. Sh...e currently teaches in both the Theatre and Dance Departments at Palm Beach Atlantic University (PBAU). She is certified in The Alexander Technique, which is a century-old movement education technique that helps people discard excessive tension in favor of poise, freedom, and ease of movement. It works by bringing habitual stress reactions up to the level of conscious awareness and offering choices about whether or not to continue them. Once we can perceive our habits we have choices whether to keep them or let them go in favor of better direction. Our thinking becomes clearer; movement becomes more dynamic and pleasurable, and our actions more effective. As a guest speaker "In The Rooms", Gaynelle will discuss the topic of STRESS! She is an expert in the mind-body connection. As mothers of children with Substance Use Disorder (SUD), who has more STRESS in their lives than we do? You will have an opp.ortunity to ask Gaynelle questions. PLEASE JOIN US tomorrow at 7pm ET on "In The Rooms". Thank you Gaynelle! Written by Sherry Schlenke Meetings cannot be accessed via phone or tablet. Must use Firefox or Google Chrome as your browser. Additional Family Support groups are offered in the rooms. Please check out their virtual meeting schedule . www.intherooms.com

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