“I am woman phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, that’s me.” ~~Maya Angelou “Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.” ~~Nora Ephron “There is no limit to what we, as women can accomplish.” ~~Michelle Obama
#13 I am responsible for myself and for my actions.
I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts and my life.
The WFS New Life program and especially Statement #13 provide a framework for continuing growth and motivation. This Statement is the crown jewel and offers sustaining sobriety and recovery when put into daily action. It is meant to create lasting depth and trust in our 4C lives. Leaving behind the blame game and self-destructive behaviors, we can move forward and stand in our own strength. In our WFS Program booklet it states “The purpose of the New Life Program is self-acceptance and being responsible for ourselves and all that we do. By accepting responsibility, we can break away from unhealthy dependencies.” As the holidays and final days of the year draw nearer, we can pause and reflect in the knowledge that we are in charge of our mind and our lives. In the midst of the hustle and bustle, the glow of the season, and for some, the cold, there is an opportunity for underlying ease and contentment. Recently one 4C woman shared that this is the 11th year that her Christmas tree has stood beautifully decorated, without falling over with her in it. A wonderful and simple joy indeed. Hugzzz Karen
Hi 4C Women, Motivation and trust! I think of how motivated I became once I started practicing this Statement. I wanted to trust my instincts, to trust I would survive any mistake I made and for it to become a life lesson rather than a reassurance of my negative past thinking. This Statement brought me freedom. As I have shared many times, I was the Queen of the Blame Game. I wore my crown proudly. As long as that crown was secure on my head, I was not responsible for the outcome of any of the choices or decisions I made. Once I began trusting myself, I felt so empowered and I wanted more of that feeling. Two of Dr. Phil’s life laws are “we teach people how to treat us” and “we can’t change what we won’t acknowledge.” I realized that I was also teaching myself how to treat me. I treated myself as though I was unworthy, incompetent, invisible, incapable, inadequate of being in charge of anything, especially my life! Statement #13 was a life changer indeed. I began to acknowledge that my negative thoughts were harming me, holding me back and quite honestly, no longer applied to my recovery life if I wanted one. I held the key to unlock the negative definition of me and my life. Once I trusted myself, I not only unlocked the door, I threw away the key.
While there have been setbacks, the key I now held in my hands was Statement #13. It became my mantra and every time I felt fearful of making a decision, I kept telling myself I was in charge and no matter the outcome, I could handle it. I learned to handle mistakes and celebrate/learn from my successes as well. I began to acknowledge that focusing solely on my mistakes rather than learning from them, was holding me back, unnecessarily keeping me a prisoner. I held on tighter to that new key. I found a mantra from a calendar years ago and I still use it today.
“Life is change, growth is possible, choose wisely.” This mantra taught me to pause and consider several possibilities/solutions to an issue. I chose as wisely as I could with the information I had and no matter what the outcome, growth was possible. Learning promotes growth. Constantly berating a mistake promotes a negative self-image and hinders our growth. When considering the choice in how we look at our decision making/problem solving, when was the last time you trusted your instincts? Describe the situation, the people, the outcome. Do you learn from your mistakes? Do you acknowledge and celebrate your successes or gloss over them? For those struggling in trusting themselves to be in charge of their life, remember it is not the length of the journey, but the willingness to take it. And most importantly, this is not a solo journey. Yes, we are responsible for our individual actions, yet there is so much support and encouragement from those who are journeying with us. We are students and teachers at different moments. Whichever you are right now, please trust yourself to be the teacher or the student. We are bonded together on this journey, Dee
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