“Life is ten percent what you experience and ninety percent how you respond to it.” ~~Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, Ph.D.
“Often it’s the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.” ~~Karen Salmansohn
“Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.” ~~Pema Chodron
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#4 Problems bother me only to the degree I permit.
I now better understand my problems. I do not permit problems to overwhelm me.
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Statement #4 is such an empowering asset in my New Life and has helped manage and solve problems when put into action. Yet, this past week, this Statement helped me see clearly, literally. Recently I began having trouble seeing from my left eye. After an exam from my regular optician, it was time to see a specialist.
In the past, problems overwhelmed me to the point of denial, running away or simple non-reaction. Over time, with the practice of Statement #4 I have become more adept at dissecting problems and examining multiple options and following through. Much like an exercise or yoga practice, my problem-solving skills are strengthening and becoming more defined.
Now what the specialist told me could have sent me running for cover but thanks to Statement #4, I was able to understand the problem and embrace the solution without fear. Well, way less fear! Turns out the solution is a monthly eye infection. This is a small price to pay for such a vital facet of the amazing New Life I get to live today.
Statement #4 Tool: Focus on the solution, not the problem. The problem is what it is, and multiple solutions may be available. In the case with my eyes, I focused on the solution; better vision as opposed on how to get there. Yes, it has a large squeamish factor, but the end result far outweighs the path to get there. If you have a tool that you use to practice Statement #4 and would like to share, please email karen@teamwfs.org.
Hugzzz and clarity,
Karen
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Hi 4C Women.
This Statement has been such a tremendous guide in determining when I have an issue that needs attention (problem-solving) or just worrying about everything which in the past was a distraction from trusting my gut instincts and being in charge of my life. I once wrote that my past does not define me, it only tells me where I’ve been. The same can be said of how I problem-solved in the past before I was ready to admit I hadn’t been willing to consider a different approach to a real issue. I didn’t trust my gut instincts. It took quite a while to take risks, to let go of the fear of making a wrong decision, to reach out for input and have more of a win-win attitude than a winner-loser approach.
I believe that words are powerful, especially the ones we say to ourselves. I started using the word “concern” rather than worry. I felt concern expressed how I was truly feeling about a person or situation that needed my attention if I was to grow emotionally and set boundaries. This was especially true when it came to family as I was so fearful of rocking the boat, falling out and not knowing how to get back in in a healthy way. I learned that when I cared more about healing a relationship or issue than the people involved, I was hurting myself and denying using my energy towards self-care. It encouraged me to search and research solutions rather than wringing my hands in needless worry with no end in sight. I also loved the message from Karen a few years ago when she shared that she temporarily changed the word, “problems” to “changes” in her self-talk which helped her move from reluctance to understanding her fear of change, seeing it as a wonderful opportunity for growth. She shared that change is not the actual problem but her reluctance to change was and she used that knowledge to reflect on whether she was truly stuck or fighting change. I have always seen WFS as a path to positive change. Yet, even positive change can be a bit scary, especially in the beginning. It is amazing to experience the difference of letting problems overwhelm us to understanding why and learning new problem-solving skills, choosing a different approach. It is truly a New Life!
Here are some questions we have used in our group for Statement #4.
What are the consequences of NOT changing this situation or behavior?
What do I feel I have at stake in this situation?
What am I willing to let go of?
What benefit am I getting out of keeping things the same way?
Do I need to review the boundaries I have set and whether or not I am adhering to them?
Have I reached out to my support system for input, comfort and understanding?
Do I care more than the other person in this situation? If I do, why and how can I practice more self-care?
Bonded in understanding, changing and trusting our instincts, Dee
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