Hi 4C Women,
Those old messages can play havoc with our lives when we keep them in the present. Learning to be and feel in charge of our minds, thoughts and lives takes time and understanding that as we develop responsibility, disappointments are bound to occur. Nancy Cross once wrote about disappointment, lack of confidence and rebellion that I thought was quite powerful.
Disappointment: A certain amount of negative feelings are inevitable, even necessary. But don't repress them or get bogged down in them. Instead, experience them, work through them, and learn from them. For example, don't allow disappointment to halt your progress. Disappointment is just a message or feedback telling you that things are not going according to plan. So, instead of quitting, find out what went wrong and what changes need to be made. When I first read that, I thought about the disappointments I experienced in life and how would I ever overcome feeling unworthy or inept to handle life because of my choices. Nancy's words helped me realize that I don't have to win in every situation or put myself down to prove my worth. I work through it, learn and survive.
Lack of confidence/low self-esteem: Nancy shared about how early childhood experiences may have caused us to lose confidence and if so, this is a FACT, not an EXCUSE. This is why, as adults, we need to heal those wounds and realize that self esteem is not a goal but a result of our willingness to heal and trust in who we are today.
Rebellion: Many of us are stuck in the "resistance syndrome" learned from childhood when we had no power. That may be happening as an adult when we automatically resist because you hear the "should" echoing in your thoughts. Rather than saying I "should" go to school to complete my degree, say I "want" to go to school and your personal reasons for that choice. "Shoulds" create resistance while "wants" dissolve resistance.
My response to her message rings true today as it did years ago. What we deserve is the chance to try our best, learn from it and take those lessons into the next challenge - because we know there will be more! Positive self-talk, reflection and changing our attitude and approach from a rebellious child getting in our way to an empowered woman with clarity of choice is Statement #13 in action.
Bonded in in being responsible for ourselves and our actions, 4C WFS Member
