Do You Find Stress Relief Online? If So You Might Find Addiction As Well

Digital life is less stressful and complicated than the real world. Here's the FAQ on its potential costs.

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By Liz Karter

08/28/14

Have you ever caught yourself in a moment of stress, picking up your smart phone and checking Facebook, Twitter or getting cravings to go to the next level on Candy Crush? If so, join the club of thousands feeling that living life online is a lot less stressful and complicated than living life in the real world. 

If life online offers some escapism, isn’t that a good thing? 

The answer to that question is complex. Yes, we all need a little healthy escapism when life gets tough, but through my work I have learned to be concerned about any behavior that starts to take up a little too much space in our lives and I do have concerns about the amount of time we spend online. Working in the field of addiction I have learned that there is a very fine line between healthy escapism and spending so much time out of the real world that we lose the skills and the desire to come back.

If we immediately scroll through our online social networks when we are feeling bad, we are absorbing our thoughts and suppressing our feelings, just as we do in addiction. 

More traditional ways of forgetting our troubles might be pouring a glass of wine, smoking a cigarette or self medicating with recreational drugs. We all well know the glass of wine can become damaging if it leads to bottle after bottle, the cigarette if we need so many that our health suffers in our attempt to soothe our thoughts and feelings. And yet we are less aware of the potential danger of the seemingly innocent hour spent online. If that hour multiplies and becomes hours that we cannot afford from our real world commitments, if it causes us to be preoccupied and distant with partners, our real world feels like a battle ground and we keep running from reality and into the comparative fantasy of a life online. 

In fact, if we take the elements that time online offers: complete absorption, escape from troubling thoughts and feelings, the appealing ability to lose ourselves, track of time and sense of reality, all we would need to do would be to add the ability to win or lose money and we would have the ingredients that mixed together make addiction to online gambling. Despite what we might imagine, gambling addiction is not all about winning money; that obsession is usually a consequence of the addiction. Once vast sums have been lost the person with the addiction will then become desperate to win back their losses. The initial drive to the online gambling addiction is the self-soothing quality offered by staring at a smart phone, a tablet, a computer screen and focusing just on that activity. Just for that time all problems seem to disappear and the person playing becomes a disembodied version of themselves, free from all anxieties or depression caused by life problems. Too much time, too much money spent eventually only causes an additional set of problems. Then it is increasingly tempting to escape the now double-trouble in the world of online gambling addiction. 

Do we begin to see worrying similarities with gambling addiction and too much time spent online?

Understandably we might argue that a little too much time spent online is not going to have the devastating financial costs that gambling addiction has. True, but what I have heard so many times from gamblers in recovery is that it is not the lost money that causes the most regret. Lost money can be recouped, but lost time cannot. Losing time online is all too easy and along with it, losing our life skills, our sense of self and ability for authentic relating.

We are socializing more than ever before. Online we are less inhibited, seemingly less reclusive, personal information less exclusive than it has ever been. But are we really relating healthily?

Our online profile picture tends to present an airbrushed version of ourselves. In just the same way that we choose our most flattering profile picture, it is easier to choose the most flattering version of personality to present to our hundreds of online friends. The smiley face icon can hide our low mood, low self esteem or empty existence. We can pretend to others and even ourselves that our lives are much more fulfilling and interesting than they really are. We can be the person we wish we were rather than the person we actually are. If we can continue to play ‘let’s pretend that life is okay’, when actually it is not, it gives us less motivation to make positive life changes. If we do not make positive changes, then why would we not prefer to keep living most of our life online?

Do our hundreds of Facebook friends really give us a social network we need to stay mentally and emotionally healthy? 

It can seem that way; which of us does not enjoy that feeling when someone has "liked" our post, or retweeted our thoughts? It makes us feel validated, accepted, a part of a community. These are all good healthy things to feel. And yet, maybe some of us find ourselves craving that feeling, perhaps feeling a little disappointed and agitated if our phone stops notifying us that we are liked and that we belong? If the likes and retweets give us a high, when we do not receive them we will feel low. If we find ourselves then seeking out that high from the same source, checking our social networking sites more frequently, putting out more and more tweets, more posts to try to get that high, maybe preoccupied with social media when at work or with friends and family, we are at risk of developing addiction.

We are talking about developing online addiction, but can living our lives online lead to addiction to other things? 

In my professional opinion and experience, yes it can. If Twitter constantly feeds us the thoughts of others, we spend less time contemplating our own, and so less time cultivating a strong individual identity which we all need to deal with life and relationships. If we cannot deal with the world we are vulnerable to addiction of all kinds to escape from it. 

Our online social networks often are people of similar world view and so do not challenge too much our opinions, values and morals in the same way that meeting within a group of real, live, randomly selected individuals might. If we live our lives mostly within these comfortable online social groups we have less opportunity to learn to deal with challenge and conflict and through doing so develop good strong relational skills. Many relationships online tend to be those who we might count as low risk relationships. Much of the time, we have never met our Facebook friends, so we have less invested in these friendships, so less to lose. If when somebody upsets us online, all we have to do is press the ‘unfriend’ button, but we lose the opportunity to develop relational skills of endings and finding closure we need in the real world. And we absolutely do need to develop them. If we cannot allow ourselves the risk of being in real relationships with all the risk of abandonment, conflict and rejection, we also do not allow ourselves the sources of attachment, comfort and acceptance from those potential supportive life partners and community groups. Without those sources of support, we do not have sources for healthy expression of feeling. If we do not have sources for expression of feeling, we look for means of suppressing feeling. We are then are much more vulnerable to looking for somewhere to hide from our thoughts and feelings, be it in the bottom of the wine bottle, in drug abuse, in gambling or online addiction.

So how do we stay safe?

Next time you feel low or stressed and find yourself picking up your phone to scroll your social network feeds- pick up the phone and call or meet a friend instead. The danger lies in imagining that relationships online nourish us in the way that healthy real life relationships can and so we stop growing real world friends who truly like us for our entire profile – both the airbrushed and the more candid shots. Family and friendships providing healthy, real life social networks can stop us seeking solace from the sometimes messy reality of real life, in the sanitized online version. A life led in part online can be fun, informative and promote a wider world view and need not be a pathway to addiction. The art is to keep it in balance so it does not narrow down our lives and suck us right through the screen. If we continually create a real life world in which we actually want to be, we lower the risk of being lost in cyber space.

Liz Karter is an addiction expert and author of two books, specializing in gambling addiction.

The Other Kardashian - Stasie, The Interventionist

An exclusive interview with a Kardashian—but this one's been handling interventions before Kim, Khloe and Kourtney were anywhere near the spotlight.

Photo via

By Amy Dresner

08/29/14

You know wheninterventionist Stasie Kardashian walks into a room. She may be short in stature, but she is a bigger-than-life personality with a loud gravelly voice that was earned through years of bad habits. She’s intense, talkative, open and eager to help. Despite her moneyed upbringing, she has that swagger of the streets and that wearied wisdom of somebody who hasn’t just been to hell, she’s lived there and is back to tell the tale and help other people escape. 

What is your relationship to the Kardashians?

My father was their father’s uncle. I’ve never met them. It’s just so weird. And it’s actually a hindrance to my work. People think I’m going to be a typical “Kardashian” - flash, glam, attitude - and that’s not what you want in an interventionist.

They took me to the hospital and I found out I was pregnant with a cocaine baby wrapped around my left fallopian tube. I had 10 minutes to get into emergency surgery. 

When you started doing interventions 14 years ago, Kim and Khloe and Kourtney weren’t even known social commodities, right?

Nobody even knew how to spell or pronounce my last name. Now they have no problem. 

You had a reality series on the OWN network. Tell me about that. 

Yeah, I had my own show. It was green lit. It was called “Stasie Kardashian—A Life Worth Living.” And basically, it was about my life growing up, all the trials and tribulations and why I’m so effective in my life’s work as an interventionist, specializing in teens and young adults. The way I grew up here in LA, all the insane things I’ve experienced give me an unspoken understanding with clients. Kids confide in me. They know I’ve been there just as an addict knows an addict from across the room. My crazy background has always given me an edge with interventions right out of the gate. Because it’s really like me intervening on myself as a kid.I get it. I was also an overindulged, entitled, bratty thrill seeker. 

We shot a lot of the pilot in New Orleans. It never aired. There were a few reasons for that. OWN network was 2 years late in launching it. And the director of creative development got fired. To further complicate matters, my ex-girlfriend was a producer on the show. I had been moved back to New Orleans when I was 17 instead of being put into a California Youth Authority so it was very triggering to be back there, in the projects, where all the insanity had gone down. The producers wanted to shoot me going to my mom’s house without giving her a heads up that I was coming over with a crew. They wanted the grit and the surprise. But that whole scenario felt unethical to me. They told me I had creative control but nothing had ever been signed so I walked. And the new director of development cancelled all the shows that were slotted. So take your pick on why it never came to fruition. 

You were one of the first interventionists approached by Intervention, and you turned it down. Why?

I didn’t know the premise of the show until I got there, saw video clips and met with Sam Medler, the producer/creator. I found the show incredibly exploitative. You get families and addicts at their worst possible moment who can’t afford treatment or an intervention. And then you cattle them up and put them on national TV. I was totally turned off by it and I said so. I will admit that it’s been a great public service but it has also created a glitch in the system. Now families think they can do an intervention themselves because they’ve seen the show. There is a modality and structure to doing it. My mentorEd Storti said it takes a lot more to be an interventionist than to just be a sober member of AA. All these yahoos think they can get sober and be an interventionist or open a sober living. You have to innately have a certain skill set to be a successful interventionist. And you either have it or you don’t. It can’t be taught. 

You were first in recovery at age 14. Is anybody ever too young to get sober?

Nobody is ever too young however I went in and out for 8 years….from 14-22. But I always felt a lot of love there. The seeds were planted for me. I just had to do more research. 

Why do you think you’re successful as an interventionist?

I can read a situation and anticipate what will happen, especially with young adults and teens. My ability to predict things makes me one step ahead of the curve. Ed (Storti) has referred clients to me that nobody wants to touch: scary, high risk situations. I’ll stroll right up to a crack house. I know the deal. I’m pretty fearless. I will be the one who will scale a wall at a clothing optional gay male hotel. I’ve stolen people’s cars, tracked their credit cards. Being an interventionist is like being a combo of an exorcist, Dog the Bounty Hunter and a private investigator. 

The most successful interventions are when the whole family gets help and most people don’t know that. A lot of people think the intervention is for the addict. It’s not. The process is for the family. It’s a bonus if the addict goes into treatment. The key is to get the family out of the addict’s crisis, get them financially separated from the addict and get them into Alanon. 

Before you started working as an interventionist, you worked in treatment. How was that? Why did you make the switch?

I worked with teens and young adults for ten years, from when I was 23 to 33. It was good. I feel like I was effective as a counselor but the work was very repetitive, same drill day after day. That’s not my personality. I’m not the 9-5 girl. 

How I made the switch? Well, Cher called me and asked me if I could be involved in an intervention. (I used to date Chas) I had no idea what an intervention was. I called in sick to work and showed up at the Mondrian on Sunset. It was all industry people and an interventionist. And by the end of the pre-intervention, I was totally blown away. I was like, “Oh my God, I have to do that! I don’t know how you do that but I have to. Do you have to be a doctor?” I was so impressed with the whole formula and structure of what I had just witnessed. The next day was the intervention and there were over 20 people there. I didn’t think I should read a statement letter because there were people there who knew the guy much better than I did. People were going around the room, reading their letters, crying. They asked the guy if he’d go into treatment and he said, “I want to know what Stasie has to say.” I had nothing prepared but I said, “There is nothing that I can say that hasn’t already been said. Your addiction is far stronger than anything anybody can say that’s in this room.” Afterwards, when I was in the lobby, the interventionist pulls me aside and says, “You need to be an interventionist. I want you to come to the corporate office and meet with my team. Your presence and what you said….You’re incredibly talented and gifted.” I was in shock. Talk about not knowing what’s going to happen if you just show up! I was put in charge of calling all his friends and telling them to cut him off: no more drugs, no more money. I was told he’d reach out to everybody in the room and he did. He called everybody at the same time and we all had the same script: “I’m sorry but I can’t help you if you don’t go to treatment.” And he went to rehab a week and a half later….which is what happens if the protocol is followed correctly.

When you started you were the youngest interventionist in the business. Was that a good thing or did you face prejudice?

I didn’t face prejudice because of my age but one woman came up to me at a function and said, “You know what? We don’t need another interventionist in LA.” I got a lot of that. It was wild back then. We were all super busy but it wasn’t as competitive as it is now. I also got some prejudice because of my energy and how fearless I am. 

Speaking of prejudice, you’ve mentioned to me that you have lost jobs because of your sexuality. Why? 

Certain families have Googled me and found out I was in a relationship with Chas for 3 years. That freaks out some super conservative wealthy families, especially in the South. Honestly, I was shocked that that still exists. 

Tell me about your education. You dropped out at sixth grade but still went to college. Explain. What did you study? 

I was institutionalized for four years after sixth grade starting at age 14. They said I was “incorrigible.” There were no adolescent treatment centers in L.A. at that time. I was just a rebellious addict but I was put into adult psych hospitals. I was locked up in the now defunct Thalians for two years. I decided to check out college when I dropped my friend off one day. My major was psych and administration of criminal justice, the only two things I happen to know anything about. 

Give us a little background on your using and sobriety.

I celebrated 25 years of sobriety on July 26th. When I was using, I would take anything. I never even asked what it was. I was addicted to 3 tabs of acid a day when I was 17. Then I was a heroin addict. I started shooting crystal at 16. From that I moved to cocaine becoming a crazy crackhead at 21. When I finally got clean, I had been up for seven days. I was barefoot, walking on glass, weighing a total of 87 pounds and coughing up blood. 

Every now and then my sister would go down to ghost town in Venice and try to find me, see if I was still alive. I’d go to her house, sleep for a few days and eat. On one occasion I started projectile vomiting and had the most intense pain in my rib cage. They took me to the hospital and I found out I was pregnant with a cocaine baby wrapped around my left fallopian tube. I had ten minutes to get into emergency surgery. 

I used to score on 6th and San Pedro on Skid Row. One night it was three in the morning and I had no syringe. I found a needle in the gutter. It was so old that there were no unit marks on it anymore. I bent the needle back into place and shot up in my friend’s car. And I am HIV negative which is a miracle. So there is no question in my mind if there is a God. But that’s how I rolled….impulsivity at a level 10, reckless, fearless. I turned tricks for drugs at 17. I was the only kid who was homeless in Hollywood by choice. I just liked being with the action at Motel Hell, a famous 80’s abandoned motel on Sycamore. It’s where all the kids squatted. And Okie dogs…you can buy drugs there 24/7. I hung out there a lot. 

I almost lost my left arm when I was 20 from shooting up undissolved Percodan. I got an abscess. I went to the hospital and the doctor said “I have patients dying of illness and car accidents. You are just some junkie. You’re wasting my time.” She refused to give me stitches. So I had to pack it and unpack it 3 times a day. And I never thought, “Uh oh. I should really get clean.” I just thought, “Well I won’t shoot up in my left arm anymore.“ That’s the insidiousness of this disease. 

What are your thoughts on Celebrity Rehab?

Hideous. It’s the same as Intervention. I don’t think non addicts, like Dr. Drew, can fully grasp the spectrum of addiction. It’s really about one addict helping another. 

When do you know if an intervention will be successful?

If an addict doesn’t go to treatment that day it doesn’t mean it’s a failed intervention. It’s what we call a “holding pattern.” The key is the family getting help. If they don’t stop enabling the addict, the addict is not going to stop using. If they can follow the guidelines set up by the interventionist, eventually the client will go to treatment. It falls on the family. If there is one co-dependent enabler in the mix, it can be difficult. The addict will say they will never talk to you again to scare you into changing your mind to keep enabling them but if you hold strong, down the road they will thank you. 

Amy Dresner is a columnist for The Fix.

If you missed this week's excellent new episode of "Wellness in Recovery", it's now in the online archive.             Click here to listen In this show, Nancy talks about how exercise can boost recovery, and talks with recoverees who enjoy surfing, yoga and other fun activities. Find out how exercise can be easily added to any recoveree's program and learn about resources available from COA and other groups.     Listen to past COARR shows any time: For "Women & Addiction" with Terri Thomas, click here. For "Hope Fiend" with Minister Rich Mollica, click here. For "Emotional Sobriety" with Andy Finley MFT, click here. For "Journey Thru the 12 Steps with the Life Recovery Bible," click here. For "Share Your Scars" with Vicki, click here. For "Wings Over Water: Creativity in Recovery" with recovery musician Kathy Moser,  click here. For "Laughter & Recovery" with stand up comic Wil B. Kleen, click here. For "Relationships in Recovery" with Alexa, click here. For "Saving Lives" with COA Director of Interventions Tom Redneck Clark, click here. For "Nar-Anon Families of Addiction Information Line" click here.

The Addict Lights of Hope is approaching quickly...On Monday September 1st at 9pm ESTaddict's mothers and family members of addict's will be lighting candles. The Flyer below explains what each candle represents. To learn more visit www.addictsmom.com If you are participating in the Addict's Mom Lights of Hope please post below where you are located, if it is a public event list all the details who what why where and when and o...f course what time! Even if you are lighting candles alone or with a few friends at your home please post a few words A white candle is for the sustained recovery of those who have found their way out. I am profoundly grateful I get to light a white candle, not just for my son Peter, but for the many people in recovery who have become such an important part of my life. A Red Candle is for those who are still actively battling this horrific disease. Black, or silver, is the candle we light to remember those who have lost the battle with addiction. I will be lighting one of these too, for the addicts I have known, loved, and lost to this hellish, unforgiving disease. REMEMBER TO LIGHT A GREEN CANDLE IN HONOR OF YOU...SEE BELOW.. **TAM Blogger Barbara Stoefen wrote about what the green candle symbolizes...**. "I wonder if there should also be another candle? A fourth candle for we moms? A candle for every mother who has loved an addict, chased after an addict, advocated for an addict, hoped for an addict, prayed for an addict, grieved for an addict." I think I will choose the color green. Not only is green my favorite color, but it also represents life and rebirth. While I’m powerless over the lives represented by the red, white, and black candles, I do have some power over my own life and that is also worth honoring. I can choose life and recovery for myself." If you are a TAM State Coordinator please share in your group, if you are a TAM member and you are comfortable please share on your page or in another group.

Visit The Addict's Mom at: http://addictsmom.com/?xg_source=msg_mes_network

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The Council of Southeast Pennsylvania, Inc.                                                   and           Pennsylvania Recovery Organization --      Achieving Community Together (PRO-ACT)  Recovery in Our Communities August 26, 2014      Like us on Facebook                                   www.councilsepa.org                       Follow us on Twitter   Information and Recovery Support Line 24/7: 800-221-6333 If you knew how much work went into it,  you wouldn't call it genius. Michelangelo Buonarroti INTERNATIONAL OVERDOSE AWARENESS DAY Sunday, Aug. 31st:  Prevention and Remembrance Every day 46 people die in the U.S. from prescription overdose.  Those most at risk are current users of prescribed opioids for pain management, heroin users and past users recently released from treatment, prison or a hospital who have a reduced tolerance and risk of relapse.   The best strategy to combat OD deaths is a combination of legislation and education to assist healthcare providers, persons at risk and family members. In Pennsylvania, Jack Whalen, District Attorney of Delaware County, and Rep. Joe Hackett (R-Delaware) recently announced their support for PA legislation allowing police to use naloxone.  Read more.  Here are ways you can help:  Learn more about The Council's  Overdose Prevention and Education Advisory Board.  Contact David Fialko for more information.     Get involved with PRO-ACT.  Contact Michael Harper for more information. REGULAR MARIJUANA USE HARMS TEEN BRAINS Experts:  Using Pot Once Per Week Is Not Safe Leading experts at the American Psychological Association's Annual Conferencediscussed the public health implications of marijuana legalization.  They found that frequent marijuana use can have a significant negative effect on the brains of both teenagers and young adults.  Negative effects include cognitive decline, poor attention and memory deficits.  People addicted to marijuana can lose an average of six IQ points by adulthood.   "Regular cannabis use" was defined as using marijuana once a week.  Read the full Press Release with research links.    As policymakers consider legalization, they must also address preventing easy access to marijuana; developing effective interventions; and funding treatment and recovery supports for adolescent and young adult users. Some Upcoming Events Sept. 17th:  Meet The Council Open House, 8 - 9 am at 252 West Swamp Road, Bailiwick Office Campus, Unit 12, Doylestown, PA 18901 September 12, 2014: 7:05 pm. Recovery Night at the Baseball Game, Phillies vs. Marlins, Citizens Bank Park. Click here for tickets.  September 20, 2014: PRO-ACT Recovery Walks! 2014, Great Plaza, Penn's Landing, Philadelphia. Click here to register and get more information. Employment Opportunities: Please click here

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CALL OUR ADDICTION & COUNSELING HELPLINE: 1-844-543-3242 (1-844-LIFE-CHANGE) Share Tweet Forward   Tune in to hear Lighthouse Network's Dr. Karl Benzio on the air!   Karl Benzio, M.D. Counsels Callers on "Hearing Hearts" with Dr. Gloria Gay on WEHA 88.7 FM   STATION: WEHA 88.7 FM (Pleasantville, NJ) DATE: Thursday, August 28 TIME: 9:30 a.m. ET PROGRAM: Hearing Hearts TOPIC: Abuse in the Church: God...? ONLINE: wehagospel887.com   Check out other media interviews including TV appearances, radio programs, print features and articles here... Lighthouse Network is a Christian-based, non-profit organization that offers an addiction and mental health counseling helpline providing treatment options and resources to equip people and organizations with the skills necessary to shine God's glory to the world, stand strong on a solid foundation in the storms of their own lives, and provide guidance and safety to others experiencing stormy times, thus impacting their lives, their families and the world. Lighthouse Network offers help through two main service choices: Lighthouse Life Change Helpline (1-844-LIFE-CHANGE, 1-844-543-3242), a 24-hour free, national crisis call center, where specialists (Care Guides) help callers understand and access customized treatment options. Life Growth and self-help training resources for daily life, including online and DVD series and training events to help individuals achieve their potential.   unsubscribe from this list    update subscription preferences Facebook Twitter Website

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August 26 Chapter 107 v 19 v 20 TWELVE STEPPING WITH STRENGTH FROM THE PSALMS

" Lord , help !" they cried in their trouble ,and He saved them from their distress .

He sent His word and healed them ,snatching them from the door of death .

STEP 2 - Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Anyone that is now sober can testify that they had one foot in the grave and it is only by Gods mercy and grace they are still here with us among the living . Snatched is the word we need to focus on ! The definition of the word is ! To grasp or seize hastily, eagerly, or suddenly. Suddenly , is the word I use to describe my sobriety . Out of somewhere a super natural strength came upon me . Desire and temptations to use suddenly lost their unbreakable grip . What once mastered me was now under my (GODS) control . No longer did I have to go wandering in the middle of the night on a mission to satisfy the unquenchable desires that drove me where ever they wanted me to go . This is my life a gift given too me , no longer do I have to waste away . I AM FREE !

2 Corinthians 1:10 We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us. On Him we have set our hope that He will continue to deliver us.

By Joseph Dickerson