Saturday, September 26, 2015


Best of the week from Choose Help

Communicating Effectively with an Active Addict or Alcoholic

Communicating Effectively with an Active Addict or Alcoholic
The most powerful tool is the truth. Mincing words or walking on eggshells are common mistakes 'affected others' make. Simple, direct, and clear communication gives us our best chance to be heard.
As an addictions counselor, I’m often asked by friends and family members of an active addict or alcoholic how they can best communicate with their loved one. My response is always, “Simply, directly, and powerfully.” In general, the more uncomfortable people are, the more words they use.
As anyone in recovery will tell you, any use of subtlety is counter-productive. You’re trying to tell us something we don’t want to hear and we’re brilliant in our ability to manipulate both language and people.
Here is a primer on how to communicate with us, coming from the perspective of the addict or alcoholic...

Have Conviction

Before you approach your loved one, make sure you have a reasonable amount of clarity as to what you need them to hear. If you’re unclear, we’ll prey upon your doubts and/or talk in circles until you’ve completely lost track of the point you were trying to make.
Addicts and alcoholics are the very best at manipulating conversations.
Make your points simply. Ask direct questions and seek direct answers. Everything else is us deceiving both you and ourselves. 

Ask to Talk

Be clear that you want to express concerns or pass along information without judgment. If we feel a lecture is coming or that judgment is being cast we’re not really going to listen. Use 'I Statements.' If you’re describing what’s going on with you (caring, worry, concern) we’re more likely to take it in than if you’re pointing a finger and telling us what we need to change.
Do your best to remain calm. Walking on eggshells doesn’t work, but yelling is guaranteed to shut us down.

No Contingencies

Listen for us using words like, “probably”“possibly”, or “maybe.” Be alarmed if you hear us say these things. What they really mean is “no.” Unless we say, “I will” you should expect that we have no intention of doing as you’ve asked. 

Accountability is the key

Even if we’re agreeable, get down to the specifics of who, what, when, and where. Anything less than this isn’t a plan we’re at all likely to take responsibility for.

Active Listening Skills with an Addict/Alcoholic

Pay close attention to how we speak. Notice when we’re...
  • Deflecting: Turning the topic back on you, changing the subject, using humor to lighten the mood.
  • Rationalizing: Explaining why something that clearly is not okay is okay.
  • Minimizing: Comparing to extreme examples, describing how it could be much worse, making our use relative to others.
  • Avoiding: Pretending we didn’t hear you, explaining that you worry too much.

Pay attention to our body language

Notice where our eyes are:
  • If we’re making eye contact - we’re engaged.
  • If we’re staring at the floor - we’re ashamed.
  • If we’re staring at the ceiling - we’re exasperated or pretending to be searching for an answer (stalling).
  • If we’re staring into space, stop talking - We’ve checked out.
Notice our body language:
  • A degree of high muscle tension indicates stress and likely fear.
  • Hand wringing points toward anxiety and worry.
  • If we’re turning away from you, we’re looking to leave the conversation and/or the building.
A relaxed posture suggests we’re open and receptive.

Trust your Gut

The best service I can provide to those active in addiction is to point out when I sense that they’re lying to themselves. This is partly the product of working from an objective perspective yet it remains largely an intuitive process.
The reason that alcoholics and addicts are so believable when we lie is that we’ve managed to convince ourselves that the lie is true. If something doesn’t add up, don’t wait until you can prove that it doesn’t. Check in with us by asking to help you understand.

Leave the Door Open

Regardless of how an individual conversation goes, let us know that you’re always open to talking in the future. If there are boundaries that you need to set around future conversations (that we be sober, that there not be yelling) state them. If you care then you’re a lifeline and we need you. No matter how hurtfully we may behave, we do love you. Don’t excuse our behavior but try not to take it personally either. Keep at the forefront of your thoughts that progressively it’s our disease that runs the show.

Read in browser »

share on Twitter Like Communicating Effectively with an Active Addict or Alcoholic  on Facebook


Recent featured articles:

Protracted Withdrawal - What It Is and How to Make It Through
AA Sponsorship: How to Find Your Ideal AA Sponsor
The 12 Steps without God or Alcohol: Key Concepts to Improve Any Life
SMART Recovery: A Free Science-Based Alternative to the 12 Steps
Teaching Ourselves and Our Children Not to Bully
And, as always, thank you for reading!
All the best to you and yours,


Martin Schoel,
founder of Choose Help
P.S. If you’d like to dive into the conversation, make sure to follow us on Twitter or like us on Facebook (40K+ people do).
Do you or someone you know need rehab?
Click or 'Tap' to speak with us now:
(877) 333-5266
Facebook
Twitter
Google Plus
Pinterest
Copyright © 2015 Choose Help, All rights reserved.
You are receiving this newsletter because you are a member of Choose Help or you signed up on ChooseHelp.com.

Our mailing address is:
Choose Help
11301 Olympic Blvd. #351
Los Angeles, CA 90064

Add us to your address book


unsubscribe from this list    update subscription preferences 

12 Step for Everyone - Addiction Expert Buster Ross

Friday, September 25, 2015

http://myemail.constantcontact.com/FEATURE-ARTICLE----Testing-Urine--Worth-Hundreds-of-Millions-of-Dollars---.html?soid=1102906894456&aid=53cJPQuJvGw

http://myemail.constantcontact.com/FEATURE-ARTICLE----Testing-Urine--Worth-Hundreds-of-Millions-of-Dollars---.html?soid=1102906894456&aid=53cJPQuJvGw
News-Impact-Advocacy

September 24, 2015
The theme for Recovery Month 2015 is Join the Voices for Recovery: Visible, Vocal, Valuable!, which highlights the value of peer support in educating, mentoring, and helping others. The theme also invites individuals in recovery and their support systems to be catalysts and active change agents in communities, and in civic and advocacy engagements. It encourages individuals to start conversations about the prevention, treatment, and recovery of behavioral health conditions at earlier stages of life. (www.recoverymonth.gov)
Quick Links







Save the Date!

CRS Training ProgramOctober 19-29, 2015

CRS Supervisor TrainingOctober 16 and 23

40th Anniversary Gala5/5/2016
Normandy Farm


Volunteer for The Council/PRO-ACT !!

Central Bucks:     
Email or call Steve at215-345-6644 x3006

Southern Bucks:  
Email or call Karen at215-788-3738 x100

Philadelphia, Chester County, Delaware County, Montgomery County:        
Email John or call 215-923-1661 
  
Left to right:  Bob Dellavella, Dennis O'Brien, Rep. Michael Driscoll, Derek Green, Sen. Sabatina, Helen Gym, Roland Lamb, Cm. Bobby Henon

25,000 Celebrate Recovery
September 19
Penn's Landing, Philadelphia

The Council would like to thank the record breaking 25,000 people who walked in support of recovery. Individuals, families, elected officials, organizations, businesses and schools came to Penn's Landing for the 14th Annual Recovery Walks! 2015.  
You demonstrated that the Recovery Community is a constituency of consequence, that is willing to stand up to end stigma and be a voice for the 20 million still needing to access services to sustain long-term recovery.

Over 300 members of the Honor Guard, representing a total of 5,629 years in recovery, led the walk. 
     
During the walk, education and advocacy activities included:
  • New voter registration
  • Family education booth
  • Petition to Pennsylvania lawmakers to pass a budget that includes $20 million for emergency treatment
  • Pennsylvania Commitment for Involvement in Healthcare Advocacy
  • Naloxone Education and Overdose Prevention Information Distribution
This year, we received more media attention than ever before!  There is power in numbers and our voices are being heard!  Plan to attend Recovery Walks! 2016 next September.  

Check out Mayor Nutter's musical performance here


Ambassadors for Recovery and Advocacy Vanguard awards

Rep. Gene DiGirolamo presented seven Public Policy Advocacy awards.
 
This year we honored the following families:

-         Angels in Motion
-         Anthony's Act
-         The Anna Straw Initiative
-         How to Save a Life
-         Kacie's Cause
-         Be a Part of the Conversation
-         Break the Addiction
Transformation Champion Award

PRO-ACT received one of the Transformation Champion awards presented by Dr. Evans, Commissioner of Philadelphia's Department of Behavioral Health and Intellectual disAbility Services.  The Council is honored to have received this award.  Since 1975, The Council has worked to end stigma and discrimination associated with Substance Use disorder. Receipt of this award gives us a renewed strength to continue to persevere through the barriers facing individuals and families seeking long-term recovery.
  
Other recipients were New Pathways, New Pathways for Women, Charles Ramsey, Senator Vincent Hughes, Prevention Point, and Bill White.
Thank You to Our Special Guests:

Michael Botticelli, Director of National Drug Control Policy
Kana Enomoto, Acting Administrator, SAMHSA
Dr. Arthur Evans, Commissioner of Philadelphia's Department of Behavioral Health and Intellectual disAbility Services (DBHIDS)
Roland Lamb, Director, Office of Addiction Services, DBHIDS
Mayor Michael Nutter, Mayor of Philadelphia
Gary Tennis, Esq., Secretary, Department of Drug and Alcohol Programs (DDAP)
Representative Gene DiGirolamo
Senator Sabatina
Representative Driscoll
Senator Kitchen
Councilman Bobby Henon
Helen Gym, City Council Candidate
Derek Green, City Council Candidate
Allan Domb

Your attendance and participation provide encouragement that our voices are heard and change is happening!
Special Guests:  Kana Enomoto, Acting Administrator, SAMHSA; Michael Botticelli, Director of National Drug Control Policy 
Give to The Council While You Shop! 
AmazonSmile is a simple and automatic way for you to support The Council every time you shop, at no cost to you. When you shop at smile.amazon.com, you'll find the exact same low prices, vast selection and convenient shopping experience as Amazon.com, with the added bonus that Amazon will donate a portion of the purchase price to The Council.
  • Go to www.smile.amazon.com 
  • Log in with Amazon account info or register if you are a new member
  • Type in The Council of Southeast Pennsylvania, Inc. and click SEARCH
  • We will come up, hit SELECT
  • Amazon donates 0.5% of the price of your eligible AmazonSmile purchases to The Council.
Contact Us

Information and Resource Line:  1-800-221-6333

252 W. Swamp Rd., Unit 12                    1701 W. Lehigh Ave, #6
Doylestown, PA  18901                           Philadelphia, PA  19132
215-345-6644                                       215-223-7700

252 W. Swamp Rd., Unit 33                    444 N. 3rd St., Ste. 307
Doylestown, PA  18901                          Philadelphia, PA  19123
215-230-8723 (DUI)                              215-923-1661
215-230-8218 (Prevention)

1286 Veterans Hwy                               1062 E. Lancaster Ave., Ste 22-A
Bristol, PA  19007                                 Rosemont, PA  19010       
215-788-3738                                       484-383-0802            

Follow us on Twitter
Like us on Facebook

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Partnership for Drug-free Kids
 
 Is your varsity football player a leader within his team and community? Is your daughter’s volleyball coach committed to encouraging fun, healthy competition?

This is your chance to nominate them for theCommissioner’s Play Healthy Award contest!

In conjunction with Major League Baseball Charities, we are recognizing outstanding student athletes and youth coaches in any sport – on and off the playing field – who embody the spirit of teamwork and healthy, drug-free competition.

One winning youth coach and one student athlete will receive a trip for themselves and one special guest to New York City, a $500 gift card to a sporting goods store and more!

 
 
 
Where Families
   
We're here to help.
Call our Parents Toll-Free Helpline
1-855-DRUGFREE (1-855-378-4373)
Donate NowTwitter  Twitter  Youtube  Instagram
 
 
DO NOT REPLY TO THIS MESSAGE. Messages sent to this email address are not read. If you have a question or comment, please use our interactive online help system. Subscribe to our RSS feeds. To prevent mailbox filters from deleting mailings from Drugfree.org, add thepartnership@drugfree.org to your address book.

Partnership for Drug-Free Kids | 352 Park Avenue South | Ninth Floor | New York, NY 10010

   


unsubscribe from this list | update subscription preferences | view email in browser