Hi 4C Women,
I shared a situation with the supportive women in my f2f group, and a few friends, regarding my former husband who lives about 45 minutes from my house. I’ve been divorced 23 years so I’ve done a tremendous amount of work on healing from the past.
He bought a laptop for my daughter but it wasn’t working properly so he got her another one but the first one had to be returned the next day. My daughter has been living with me since April due to her physical health so you might be guessing where this story is headed. Sometimes she can drive short distances but unfortunately this was not one of those times. I had a program I was attending that night at church so he was willing to bring it to my house. I’ve been here 11 years but this was a first. I need to tell you that I am one of those people who go by the philosophy, if it isn’t broke, don’t fix it (or replace it, in my case) so I still have a bunch of furniture from the marriage. When I got back home, my daughter told me that my ex looked at each piece of furniture, telling her where it was purchased and what house it had been in during our 27-year marriage. After all of these years, my first thought was why wasn’t I enough? My husband is married to his 3rd wife so my thinking was all about my failings of being lovable. I share this because of what Karen said about Statement #9 in that it doesn’t erase the past but that we can live fully in the preset despite the past.
I was shocked that I went so quickly to old thinking. Yet the best part is that I was aware and acknowledged this old thinking, shared it which helped me process my feelings and moved through it rather quickly. In the past, I might have stayed stuck in this feeling for months! Statement #9 is like a wakeup call whenever I go back to old, negative thinking. I am victimizing myself, no one else. I’ve worked hard on healing and to let it come back to hurt me needlessly is the most wonderful gift I’ve been given by this Statement.
I hope that you will take time to reflect on how the past is hurting you and how you can begin to heal, to learn to love yourself enough to realize that the reward for healing is worth the hard work you put forth.
If there is a particular event, person or situation that is holding you back, I encourage you to share this to get positive feedback, to learn from others. This is the bond that 4C women have in supporting each other as we learn and grow emotionally. -WFS Member
