Tuesday, July 15, 2014



JULY 15 Chp 91 v 11 TWELVE STEPPING WITH STRENGTH FROM THE PSALMS

 
For He shall give His Angels charge over you ,To keep you in all your ways .



STEP 11 Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.



Wow what a promise and a comfort to know that Gods army of angels are being dispatched on your behalf . Gods big book (Bible ) was written two thousand years ago and it is still the number one best seller in the world , I mention His book because its true and you can rely on Gods word . So when God says your not alone , and He will never leave you or forsake you , Hes not playing . Too think angels watching over us guarding our steps watching every move we make . Now if we could only get this truth and belief way deep down into our hearts then fear in our lives would be powerless . Most people say or believe we have a guardian angel but God says Angels .Plural meaning more than one a whole Army without number . So stop stressing so much when God tells you I got this He aint playing .



Matthew 18:10 “Then the devil left him, and behold, angels came and were ministering to him.”

Another word for Devil is Addiction !

By Joseph Dickerson
myrecovery.com

Daily Quote

"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them." - Thomas Merton


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Sunday, July 13, 2014



JULY 13 v 2 TWELVE STEPPING WITH STRENGTH FROM THE PSALMS


How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
with sorrow in my heart every day?
How long will my enemy have the upper hand?


STEP 2 - Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity !


My enemy was Addiction ! The enemy turned my life into a inescapable wasteland with not an ounce of joy too be found anywhere in anything . They say in recovery one of the most important parts of us that does not get addressed or gets fixed is our souls. Recovery should be mental , physical and spiritual ! In my personal journey through addiction and sobriety , I discovered I was a lost soul desperately trying to fill a void in my life , and no matter how many drugs I did or barrels of booze I drank nothing ever seemed to satisfy. I realize now what I was missing was God ! Only God and His son Jesus can truly fill the emptiness you have in your heart . Relationship with your creator who knows all things and misses you and always has loved you and always will love you unconditionally . The search is over you know where to find fulfillment and you have a certain set of steps and if your willing to work than you can have it . It does not have be a struggle anymore .Let Go and Let God friend !



Jerimiah 29 ;11 - For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.




By Joseph Dickerson



Unhappy Camper—Joe Sober Strikes Again
The continuing adventures of AA cliché Joe Sober. This installment—Joe gets into self-service with a smile!
inventory this! 







07/09/14







Its 4:20 am on a misty morning out here on the edge of everywhere. I’m standing outside the old, rundown church where we hold my 4:30 am meeting. I’m smoking a Nat Sherman Menthol and watching all the rough boys sheepishly walk out of their CMA meeting. Less sober than me but live and let live, right?


CMA is kind of like SA and just as bloody. I had a cousin in MA that led him to OA and he wound up in PA at a state mental hospital. I like to keep it pure and ultra-classic with my AA. Except today; because I’m the boss at this 4:30 am meeting, I’m going to start calling our group the Smug Solutions. 'Come on down to the SS for some hardcore sobriety' is what I look forward to everyone in town—and particularly in LA—saying to each other. There’ll be a line to get into my meeting! It’s going to be a hit. I’ll be king of AA. You wait right there and see.




Most of the guys at my meeting are what we in AA call “old timers”—which is AA speak for “almost dead.”


A bunch of the dudes gave me a “Hey Joe,” and I gave them that "What’s up? I’m cool with you being a meth head" nod in return. That’s just the power of my sobriety at work. Well that and the sexual power of the insanely hot military inspired jacket I’m wearing over my fitted mauve polo tee, along with my tight indigo denim pants that drape over my brown brogue leather boots in a saddle tan color.


“We have a real meeting in here at 4:30! So clear out but don’t nod out!”


I love that last part. I made it up right there on the spot. Finally that improv class I made my dead sponsee pay for was rocking the house. I hope somebody in TV heard me.


Now comes the tough part—setting up. I always get someone less sober than me to do this fingernail work. Mainly because it’s good for their sobriety to put up my signs the way I like them and make my coffee the way it should be made. The other reason is that most of the guys at my meeting are what we in AA call “old timers”—which is AA speak for “almost dead”—so they get all cranky and stuff when I ask for their help. They sit there reading their newspapers. (What kind of dumb ass Coulter still reads a newspaper?) Wait until all the folks in LA hear about my meeting. Then they'll all fly here on their jet packs to attend. All those famous people that aren’t sober yet, will be made sober by me. It’s all in the 12th step. Bet you haven’t even read it yet. I’ll bet you can’t even read. Getting sober may not make you smart but it will most definitely make me a movie star!




So I’m banging my gavel and I start telling everyone that this is AA but that now we’re going to call it Smug Solutions


My favorite old timer is Dirty Sanchez. He is definitely the Emperor to my much better looking Darth Maul. He has told me stuff that has blown my mind. If I drop something he says “pick it up,” or if I want to talk to him about how I’m afraid of girls, he says something like “Kid, get the fuck away from me.” I know what he really means is something else because he was loving me even before I came in the rooms! He was loving me while I was in my Ma’s womb. Because I’m special and I stick with the winners like Dirty Sanchez! In AA all the old timers always mean something different than what they say if you really, really, really think about what they say. So much wisdom have they passed on to me. I’m grateful that I figured that out. Now I’m as wise—but will be that much more wise when I’m finger nailing in my pants. If you're new, think about that sentence a lot, it will make sense in a really profound way when you least expect it.


Ka boom!


So I’m banging my gavel and I start telling everyone that this is AA but that now we’re going to call it Smug Solutions and some guy has the nerve to interrupt me and tell me that I’m imposing my will by calling it that, so as boss I willed his fat ass right out of the room for “disrupting the meeting.” Dirty Sanchez and Crusty Carl laughed. I’m pretty sure they were laughing with me. 


I start reading the introductory script and as the sound of my voice is reminding most folks in the room of Adele while she sings “Make You Feel My Love,” in comes a guy I’ll call the poet. I call him this out of mad respect for his anonymity and because I can’t remember his frigging name. Peter something or is it Paul … Anyway he comes in all dressed in black, disgustingly overweight and carrying all those character defects that other less sober people call the weight of the world.


The poet starts going on and on about his "pain" and blah, blah his marriage and blah, blah, blah something about suicide. So I did what I do, I gave him a beginner’s packet and spoketh at him all the great slogans like "easy does it," "keep coming back" and "it works if you work it." I was on a roll! Just talking at this guy a mile a minute! It felt awesome. Dementia Carol told him to read page 459 and everyone else spit out page numbers. Then it occurred to me—in a voice as pretty as His must be, only deeper and more cigarette stained sounding—“Take him to the woods,” said the gorgeous, gravelly phlegm soaked voice of the Almighty. So I took the suicidal poet on a sober retreat.


We swung by my crib to pick up my Kelly Yellowstone 4 person tent (I am grateful to Pedophile Terry for willing me the 50 grand!) some more smokes and, of course, my battered copy of the Big Book (aka the Bible) that my sponsor Greg once threw at my puppy. Thanks, Greg! 


It wasn’t so much that I was going to read aloud from the Big Book, it was more about me getting a chance to read this guy my awesome poems that I wrote inside the pages of it during the endless BB meetings. He had that ‘might know some people that could help me’ look that I couldn’t wait to start exploiting! All in the name of sober! Off to the woods we went.


Along the way I played my Sade then I would hit him with some later Jefferson Airplane (the good stuff. After their upgrade). Then Wham!, I played him some George Michael. “This is your higher power speaking to you Pete!" (Or whatever the heck his name was) “Listen closely!” As suddenly as George was crooning, “You gotta have faith!” we arrived at my destination. It’s in those moments that I know the great dictator in the sky is looking at me and only me and those moments are pretty much every moment of every day except for when I masturbate.


It took the poet 10 hours to set up my killer tent. He asked if he could take a rest and I told him no, that his work was just beginning. I told him to write a list of everyone that he knows in the publishing business along with their numbers. And I told him if he knew any movie stars that he should include their info too. When he was finished he should give it to me and then I was to decide whether or not I would help him.


“I don’t understand,” he whined.


“Understand this,” I said in my serious sounding voice. “A monkey’s hands are the same as his feet.” Long sober silence. I am so sober, it’s scary.


After a delightful evening of experimenting with new oils and creams, I remembered another person was with me and since I was kinda tired, I rewarded the poet by making him sleep outside in the nude. "Shut up bitch," I said when he protested. I felt like a kid again which brought up a lot of shame for me so I kicked the poet, but gently, lovingly. In the teeth. It was a quicker way to being sober like me, I told him. These are only suggestions but, just be my Sherpa, sleep naked in the woods, and take a kick in the mouth and you might be well enough for me to start stepping you first thing in the morning. He took all those suggestions and I feel like I could rule the world! 


I had to pee in the middle of the deep dark night (that’s from one of my poems) and I noticed him lying there all covered in dirt and vomit. It made me think how lucky he was to have me looking out for him, and how, most of the time, my hair falls right into place. Then I peed one of those long, heavy pees that truly sober men pee. He woke up suddenly and right away started with his incessant white noise. Listen, I said, if a cat had the face of a dog, would it still be a cat? Don’t answer, I told him, it’s unanswerable. I was glad he didn’t because I don’t know. I do know that this shut him up.


“My Dad” he suddenly whispered, “My Dad has money. He can pay you.”


Now if I told him that I would be his sponsor and that I wouldn’t charge him a dime because of all that tradition crap, it wouldn’t be a selfish program. Right? If I told him that I had a spiritual awakening and that it was my spiritual duty to carry the message to other alcoholics without a profit incentive, then I would have not been a very good businessman. Seeing how not being a very good businessman is one of my character defects, I decided that I would take his father’s money.


“Where does your dad live?” I asked.


“Malibu,” he said and at or around the same time some kind of woods bird type thing made a sound. That was my higher power speaking to me and saying, "Take this man’s money and get him to take you to freaking MALIBU and charge him like $2000 a day, only he said it in a woodsy bird kind of way. I’ll take him through the steps very slowly. One a year!!!! One a decade!!!! Oh boy oh boy oh boy! God is making me a sober companion! And a very connected future poet/movie star that one day hopes to direct! 


By the time I got to my car I had a very sober boner. I told the poet to turn away and I prayed that my higher power that I choose to call the squealing baby Jesus was looking at Uganda for those next 32 seconds.


I'm pretty sure it would be a cat.


Joe Sober is a pseudonym for a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. He last wrote about why he is more sober than you.

For Comedian Jessica Kirson, Staying Sober Is No Laughing Matter
Speaking exclusively to The Fix, comedian Jessica Kirson opens up about the struggles of staying sober while on the road, performing in venues where alcohol is flowing and what keeps her grounded through it all. 



07/11/14






Jessica Kirson has developed a reputation as one of the most respected comedians in the business. No less of an authority figure than Louis C.K. has branded the New Jersey-born performer as one of his favorite comics. Throughout her career, she’s performed on numerous television shows including The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, The View,Last Call with Carson Daly and seasons 2 and 3 of Last Comic Standing. She also recently made her big screen debut in Nick Cannon’s School Dance, which also stars Jim Breuer and George Lopez.

But in order to achieve this level of success, she had to get sober first. When fairly standard teenage drug experimentation during high school developed into a major problem in her mid-20s, she checked herself into rehab. After a pair of relapses in the beginning stages of her sobriety, she has now been clean and sober for 15 years. Speaking exclusively to The Fix, Kirson opened up about the struggles of staying sober while on the road, performing in venues where alcohol is flowing and what keeps her grounded through it all. 

When did your drug use first begin?

I started using at 12, but it was always pot and alcohol at that point. I began experimenting more in high school and moved into trying cocaine, ecstasy and mushrooms. But my drug use kept progressing and getting worse and worse. 

In college, I thought I was just being wild and crazy because everyone else was partying as well. I was never the kind of person to have one drink because I didn’t see the point. It was always to get wasted.

When did you get to the point where you knew something had to change?

That didn’t come until my mid-20’s. It sounds weird, but I got myself to that point on purpose because I knew there was a problem. I was doing cocaine and wasn’t even enjoying it, but needed to reach that bottom so that things could change. I eventually sent myself to rehab when I was 24.

A lot of what they taught me in rehab went into my head, but I wasn’t fully ready at that point. I used again, but it never got to the point that it had before. In the past 20 years, I’ve relapsed twice.

Do you still work a program these days?

Absolutely. I work a very strong program. The times I’ve relapsed were when I wasn’t working a program. I tried to do it my way and, speaking only for myself, it just didn’t work.

And after all of these years, the meetings still help for me. I’ll hear something that sticks with me at every meeting I go to. Addicts have what we call built-in forgetters. We forget where we were and where we came from. There’s a lot of denial. It’s important to talk to people who can set me straight because left to my own devices, I don’t always make the right decisions. Even last night, I felt a lot of stress after a show and the first thing I did was call some friends who are in recovery because they’ve been there and they get me.

Personally, I know that I can’t do it alone. I need the help because I have a tendency to isolate. I can hate myself or think I’m the greatest thing ever. Most people can understand obsession in some form whether it’s over a guy or a job, but addicts obsess over everything. A huge point of the meetings is to have people relate to you and make you realize that they’ve felt the same way. You feel crazy otherwise.

Did you get sober before starting stand-up or were you still using in the beginning?

When I started stand-up, I was in a relapse and was smoking pot every day and drinking. I’ve never done a show high, though. I did one open mic after smoking pot and had a breakdown on stage because I was so paranoid. I was wondering why everyone was laughing at me. [Laughs]. But thank God I never did a show high. I know a lot of people in the business who have had a hard time staying sober because they felt like they had to be high when they were on stage. 

Does performing in places where alcohol is flowing and the crowd is often drunk complicate things at all for you?

Personally, the obsession to use has been lifted. Occasionally if I’m stressed out, I’ll think that it would be nice if I could have a drink. Or if I’m with a group of comics and they’re all drinking, it’s like a small party. I’ll sometimes wish that I could be that person who could just have one drink. But for the most part, it’s annoying to be the sober one around people who are wasted and don’t have boundaries. It’s actually turned me off to it a lot of times. 

Do you find it any harder to work the program you have when you’re on the road?

It’s very hard sometimes. I’ve been in meetings on the road all over the country, but the times when I don’t go, I sit in the hotel room and I’m miserable. When you’re on the road, you can feel alone, bored, tired. You feel out of touch with everything and isolating is one of the worst things that addicts can do. I have to make an effort to see friends because there are times when I could easily just sit at home and not talk to anyone.

We’ve lost so many talented comics over the years like Mitch Hedberg, Greg Giraldo and John Belushi due to drugs. Why do you think that addiction is so prevalent in the comedy industry?

I think that a lot of times, addicts are smart, creative people. And a lot of humor comes from pain and tragedy. You have to laugh at those things. It makes sense that a lot of addicts do comedy. 

But being in the business, the highs and lows of it, can exacerbate an addiction. Being sober is really hard in this business. When people’s careers take off, they think they’re okay and don’t need to stay sober. They forget where they came from and what happened and you can never forget that. Personally, I have to remember other people’s stories. It’s a very dark place to be in when you relapse.

Is there any kind of camaraderie or support system amongst other sober comics in the business?

I’m aware of who most of them are. A lot of them are sober, but don’t work a program. I was talking to a comic who has 25 years sober, but hasn’t been to a meeting in four. That’s what we call a dry drunk. You may not be drinking anymore, but your behaviors haven’t changed and you’re just white-knuckling it. Personally, I’ve found that a lot of people who white-knuckle it and don’t go to meetings are miserable.

The problem is that most people don’t see this as a disease. If you have diabetes, you take medication. Doing things like having a sponsor and helping other people is my medication and if I don’t do it, I get sick.

Is doing stand-up part of your way of helping others and being in service?

It is in a way, but if I perform at a recovery show and get paid for it, then it’s a fine line. I think that service can be something as simple as helping someone carry bags to their car. My sponsor told me that just smiling to someone and saying “have a nice day” is all part of that. Whenever I help other people, I get out of myself and am 100 percent happier.

We spoke last year with comedian Mark Lundholm, who said that comics who weren’t in recovery typically didn’t do well performing in recovery shows. Do you feel the same way?

I’ve seen people not in recovery do very well at those kinds of shows. I don’t think it’s impossible, but the material has to be tailored. Obviously talking about getting drunk wouldn’t be good. But when it’s an addict performing, it’s often funnier because they get it and can relate to the audience from their own perspective. 

But I truly do believe there’s no better audience than people in recovery because they really just need to laugh. You have to laugh at your past. It’s traumatic at first, but then you go, “that was fucking ridiculous. I used to look out of a peephole for six hours when I was on cocaine.” But when people come up to me after those shows and say something like, “I just got sober and I haven’t laughed that hard in so long,” that’s what I love. It’s an amazing feeling.

McCarton Ackerman has been a regular contributor to The Fix since 2011. He last wrote about Bad Grandpas.


How's Your Mental Health?
Take a Quiz and Find Out
Are you depressed? Anxious? Take a short test to measure or identify depression, anxiety, PTSD, and Narcissism. Plus bonus quizzes: Are you an extrovert or an introvert? Is your partner trying to control you?

Shutterstock



07/10/14





Click to jump to your question:






Short Depression Screen*

Answer “yes” or “no” to the following questions:
I have lost interest in things I used to like to do. 


I feel hopeless about my future. 


I find it more difficult than it should be to make decisions.

I feel sluggish and often get tired for no reason. 


I am gaining or losing weight without intending to. 


I feel helpless to make changes I’d like to make in my life. 


I am sleeping too much, or too little. 


I often feel unhappy or sad, or easily cry. 


I easily become irritable or anxious. 


I think about dying or killing myself. 

If you answered “yes” to three or more of these questions, and you have felt this way most every day for several weeks, you may be experiencing depression and should seek a full assessment by a psychiatrist, mental health counselor or other health care professional. If you answered yes to question 10, you should seek help immediately, regardless of your answer to any other questions.

*A screen is a short, simple tool used to identify potential risk. It is not a full mental health assessment and does not indicate a diagnosis. It is intended for educational purposes and for determining if a fuller assessment of risk by a mental health professional is indicated.





Short PTSD Screen*

Answer “yes” or “no” to the following questions: 
Have you experienced or witnessed an event that made you feel intensely fearful, helplessness, or horrified?


Do you repeatedly have memories or ruminations about an unsettling or traumatic event that you witnessed or experienced? 


Do you have recurring, distressing dreams about an unsettling or traumatic event that you witnessed or experienced?


Do you experience flashbacks (feeling as if a traumatic event were happening again, like you are “reliving” it)?


Do you become physically or emotionally distressed when something reminds you of a traumatic event that you witnessed or experienced?


Do you avoid activities, places, or people that remind you of a traumatic event that you witnessed or experienced?

Do you feel detached from other people since witnessing or experiencing a traumatic event?


Do you feel that your range of emotions has become restricted since you witnessed or experienced a traumatic event?


Are you get uncharacteristically irritable or angry after having experienced a traumatic event?


Do you feel a need to be "on guard" since you witnessed or experienced a traumatic event?

Are you more easily startled after having experienced a traumatic event?

If you answered “yes” to the first question plus three or more additional questions, and you have felt this way since the traumatic event happened, you may be experiencing post-traumatic stress. You should seek a full assessment by a psychiatrist, mental health counselor or other health care professional.

*A screen is a short, simple tool used to identify potential risk. It is not a full mental health assessment and does not indicate a diagnosis. It is intended for educational purposes and for determining if a fuller assessment of risk by a mental health professional is indicated. 





Short Anxiety Screen*

Answer “yes” or “no” to the following questions:
Would you describe yourself as a “worrier” ?


Have you ever experienced shortness of breath, palpitations or shaking for no apparent reason?


Are you ever concerned that you may lose control of yourself, or "go crazy"?


Do you often avoid social situations because you are concerned that you won’t know what to say or how to act?


Do you have specific fears of certain things (ex. animals) or activities (ex: flying)?


Do you often feel restless or fidgety?


Do you often worry that something bad will happen to you or someone close to you?


Do you have trouble concentrating or maintaining a mental focus?


Do you get physical symptoms (sweating, pounding heart, upset stomach) when you are in unfamiliar circumstances?


Do you tend to anticipate the worst outcomes rather than the more favorable ones?

If you answered “yes” to three or more of these questions, and you have felt this way most every day for several weeks, you may be experiencing anxiety and should seek a full assessment by a psychiatrist, mental health counselor or other health care professional.

*A screen is a short, simple tool used to identify potential risk. It is not a full mental health assessment and does not indicate a diagnosis. It is intended for educational purposes and for determining if a fuller assessment of risk by a mental health professional is indicated.





Are You Narcissistic… or are You Really Better than Everyone Else?

Answer “yes” or “no” to the following questions:
I have a natural talent for influencing people.


I enjoy being the center of attention.


I believe I am a special person.


I am assertive, in a good way.


I see myself as a leader.


I find it easy to get people to do things I ask of them.


I rarely need to depend on others to get things done.


I usually inspire respect from others, and I feel I deserve it.


I have a strong will to be successful; therefore I am.


I am never satisfied unless I get all that I deserve.

If you answered “yes” to 3-4 of the above questions, you have a good sense of self-esteem, which is helpful for reaching goals and being satisfied with your life. If you answered “yes” to 5-8 of the above questions, you are likely to be a little cocky – which can be a good thing if tempered with respect and genuine concern for others. If you answered “yes” to 9 or all 10 of the above questions, you may have a somewhat over-stated view of your own personal worth….or then again, if you really are that good, kudos to you…just try not to look down on the rest of us, please!





Are You an Introvert or Extrovert?

Would you rather…….
A. Go to a party?
B. Stay home and read a book?


A. Work with a team?
B. Work alone?


A. Join in a group conversation at a party?
B. Stay on the sidelines and chat with just one person?


A. Ask your friends their opinions about solving a problem?
B. Figure it out for yourself?


A. Be spontaneous in your speech and actions?
B. Hold back and take time to think before you speak or act?

If you answered "A" to four or more of the above questions, then you likely have more of an extroverted (outgoing and novelty-seeking) personality style. Extroverts tend to have a wider circle of friends and acquaintances, but they may not have extremely close ties with anyone inside these circles.

If you answered "B" to four or more of the above questions, then you likely have more of an introverted (thoughtful and reserved) personality style. Introverts often choose friends more carefully and strive for more closeness in their relationships. 

If your answers included a more equal mix of “As” and “Bs," then you are flexible in your personality style, depending on the situation. Many people have a mix of both styles.





Is Your Partner Trying to Control You?

Answer “yes” or “no” to the following questions:
My partner says I spend too much time with my friends.


My partner accuses me of flirting when I am just being friendly.


My partner tells me how I should dress.


My partner regularly checks my phone and email messages.


My partner texts me and/or calls me multiple times each day.


My partner says he/she is the only one I need in my life.


My partner won’t let me go away for weekend trips without him/her.


My partner tells me that he/she knows what is best for me.


My partner gets moody or angry when I disagree with him/her.


My partner has a hard time accepting “no” for an answer, especially from me.

If you answered “yes” to 2-3 of the above questions, you may be involved with someone who is a bit controlling. You should watch for escalation of this behavior, and view any increase in the behavior as a red flag. If you answered “yes” to 4-6 of the above questions, you are indeed dealing with a controlling person….not a good indicator for a mutually respectful and supportive relationship. You may want to consider your options before you are in too deep. If you answered “yes” to 7- 10 of the above questions, you may actually be experiencing emotional abuse. Please reach out to family, friends and/or a counselor to address ways to remedy this risky situation.

----

Rita Milios, LCSW, is the Mental Health Editor for The Fix and is a psychotherapist in private practice, author of more than 30 books, and frequent professional lecturer and on-camera expert. She also facilitates workshops and training for clinicians, therapists, writers, holistic practitioners, businesses and associations. She is known as "The Mind Mentor" because of her unique approach to “mind tools training.” RitaMilios.linktoexpert.com