Tuesday, June 17, 2014

myrecovery.com


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"Right now, and in every now-moment, you are either closing or opening. You are either stressfully waiting for something - more money, security, affection - or you are living from your deep heart, opening as the entire moment, and giving what you most deeply desire to give, without waiting." - David Deida


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Sunday, June 15, 2014


Recovery On Film
My program and my humor have taught me that I am a lot like every other addict, and a lot like every other person – valuable, perfectly imperfect, and afraid of clowns.

SOURCE THE FIX



06/09/14


I ran outta gas. I had a flat tire. I didn’t have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn’t come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from outta town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake, a terrible flood, locusts. It wasn’t my fault!! I swear to God!! - The Blues Brothers

Some of my lies in addiction were precious. Statements that were so ludicrous that the people I spoke them to probably couldn’t believe that I would offer them such fantasy. I once told someone that I spent $800 on taxis in one week (I had really used it to pay for sex). My friend once told his parents that his bag of pot and pipe were just for tobacco for a prop in a movie (that one has some nice parental denial in it).

The people I lie to in addiction know I am lying just as I do; or they choose to believe the lie to delay some other pain or reality of their own, just as I do. In addiction I use a lack of confrontation as ‘getting away with it.' In recovery I have found that I don’t get away with anything. All my actions have consequences, some immediate, some delayed for weeks, months or even years, and others ongoing indefinitely. And the program helps me identify the consequences and unmanageability, and ask God to change me, and make amends for those consequences. It all happens step by step, with my higher power in the lead.

After I give up on excuses, I can rely on the truth as God shows it to me.

**************

Do you hear that sound Mr. Anderson? That is the sound of inevitability. It is the sound of your death. – The Matrix

I am drawn to my addiction because of its guarantee. My addiction promises me oblivion; it promises to transport me to a fantasy world of pleasure. I believe this promise. I am usually disappointed: I have a bad trip, or I get ripped off, or the high is just a trace of what it used to be that first time. The guarantee of oblivion that I believe is always one hit, one score, one drink, one binge away.

So instead of the guarantee of my fantasy, there are two inevitabilities that I ignore. The first is that my addiction is a progressive disease, so I will always need more to chase the ever-fading high. The second is that my addiction will lead to my spiritual and eventually physical death. That’s what it does to every other addict who doesn’t find God’s path. And that’s what it will do to me. My survival comes by way of the program and my higher power’s grace.

Addiction guarantees destruction; my higher power guarantees a path of grace.

**************

Welcome to the real world. – The Matrix

In my addiction, I lived in a haze; a fog of self-deception, lies and duplicity. Let’s face it, I would have to be wearing blinders to put myself through the insanity of my addiction. Entering abandoned buildings, making myself black out, exposing myself to diseases, exposing my personal information to criminals. There are pimps out there who may still have my credit card number, home address and work address – that is unmanageable.

In sobriety, I am reintroduced to the real world. The real world can be harsh. The real world does not erase late rent or utility payments, or bounced checks, or credit card debt. When I trash my car or home during a binge, it’s still a wreck when I sober up.

But the real world is run by someone I can trust. My higher power is working to make reality exactly what I need.

I can trust my higher power to help me face reality.

**************

Are you the one who tells the joke about my being a … pickle? – Mel Brooks as Hitler in To Be or Not To Be

It’s wonderful to have a great sense of humor. In my addiction, I usually used my humor to identify myself as someone available for a high. And I used my humor to proposition women, to downplay or deny consequences and to gauge reactions and figure out who was willing to party. You know what I did not find funny? Anything about myself. I took my misery, my loneliness, my intelligence and my addiction as seriously as a heart attack.

I think because I was afraid that if I lost any of them, I would actually have a heart attack. My humor has changed in recovery. Now it’s clean (as clean as I am – if I stray to inappropriate humor, usually I am flirting with conduct that is inappropriate or unhealthy for me). Now I have the ability to laugh at myself without being self-deprecating, without taking myself down a notch. My humor now is about realizing that I already am down a notch from where I thought I was as a melodramatic, self-centered addict. My program and my humor have taught me that I am a lot like every other addict, and a lot like every other person – valuable, perfectly imperfect, and afraid of clowns.

My humor is not about being worse or better than others, it’s about identifying with others in our strengths and weaknesses.

**************

"Doc, uh, my brother's crazy. He thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn him in?" And the guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs." - Annie Hall

Addiction is about living in denial. I deny that I am harming myself so that I can bear to continue to take the drug that destroys me. I convince myself that getting high is a good idea. I ignore the consequences that always appear. It’s denial with fantasies filling in the gaps.

The program can help me dismantle my denial. I can check my ideas out with my sponsor or recovery peers. When I do I will likely learn a few important realities: First, that the payoff I’m interested in is laced with self-destruction and horror. Second, my logic that rationalizes going to my addiction is probably based on black and white thinking, or self-loathing or shame. Third, by working the program in this way, I will be reminded that I am surrounded by people who care about me, sometimes more than I’m able to care about myself.

If I work on dismantling denial today, I’m paving the way for today’s sobriety.



Evan H. lives in Chicago and came to recovery about six years ago to connect with himself, his higher power, and other recovering addicts that walk the path. Movies are an important part of Evan's recovery. Whether or not the movie is about recovery, in movies he see examples of insanity, surrender, change and serenity. Read more of Evan's blog at recoveryonfilm.blogspot.com.

(NOTE—This is one of the new voices The Fix has commissioned for our new blog section. And if you'd care to add your voice to the mix, check our brief and simple requirements.)

Substance Abuse and the Elderly
 The Forgotten Casualties
Prescription drug abuse among our seniors has skyrocketed. What can be done about it?



06/12/14



The prescription drug epidemic that grips the United States has shownlittle discrimination when it comes to victims. However, the Centers for Disease Control have managed to identify several subgroups within that vast demographic that would qualify as “high risk patients” and therefore more susceptible to prescription drug overdoses. Individuals who purchase controlled substances from more than one provider – known as “doctor shopping” – are most prominent on that list, followed by those who take high daily doses of pain medication.

Individuals who live in low-income areas and the mentally ill are also at risk, but a growing number of reports have indicated that people ages 65 and over comprise a substantial number of prescription medication abuse and overdose statistics. The figures show an alarming rise in the number of seniors who either abuse prescription pain medication or have succumbed to an overdose: the average number of seniors misusing prescription pain meds was an estimated 336,000 in 2012, while overdose deaths among individuals 55 and over tripled to nearly 9.4 fatalities per 100,000 people.

Why have seniors become so prone to prescription drug abuse? A number of factors come into play when elderly patients are prescribed opioids or other pain medication. Surprisingly, the physical changes that occur due to age do not play a significant factor in elderly substance abuse issues due to the great variation in how individuals age; certain seniors may even display different rates of change within their own systems. Instead, it is an array of external factors that make seniors more vulnerable to prescription drug abuse. 

Medical professionals, who should be the elderly’s first line of defense in regard to health issues, can often make slow, incorrect or discriminatory diagnoses regarding prescription drugs. The physical and emotional side effects caused by opioids – chronic fatigue and depression, among others – are often mistaken for symptoms of other medical disorders. More significantly, clinicians may not have the time or inclination to properly address a substance abuse issue with an older patient. Studies have shown that doctors give less time to office visits with patients 65 years of age or older than those who are 45 through 64. In such an abbreviated consultation, doctors may often place greater emphasis on obvious physical issues like heart problems than ones that are less evident or easily observed. 

This degree of disregard for elderly patients’ health may be echoed within their own families. Spouses, children and friends may often turn a blind eye to abuse symptoms, passing them off as the product of sadness or boredom, or refuse to address them for fear of conflict with their older relative or shame because of their behavior. More often than not, a sense of apathy or aggrieved tolerance for older relatives’ behavior motivates their thinking: elderly parents or grandparents’ lifespans are believed to be short, so devoting time and energy to their recovery can be perceived as a waste of time. Children and loved ones may also feel that the elderly will not respond to treatment in the same way as younger people, despite studies which have shown that older patients complete treatment more often than younger ones, and frequently have better rates of recovery.

All of these factors can be summed up as part of a school of thought centered on ageism that thwarts older patients from receiving the proper treatment they need in substance abuse cases. American culture’s fascination with youth culture – and general disregard for aging – has led to common mischaracterizations of the elderly as weak, ineffectual and, inevitably, doomed to eke out only a few more years of life. As a result, the elderly’s health issues – including those related to substance abuse - are often lumped into a blanket diagnosis of untreatable decline or senility, which in turn leads to many older patients refusing to seek out treatment for fear of having their needs unmet. Those that manage to get a doctor to hear their concerns are often less likely to have treatment recommended as a solution to their health problems.

As medical and law officials continue to address the rising tide of prescription drug abuse, special concern must be extended to seniors who have fallen into the dangers of addiction. Compassion and understanding – which are the cornerstones of modern medical treatment – combined with greater emphasis on treating the individual are the only lines of defense for seniors in this high risk war on the well-being of every person, regardless of age.

Paul Gaita is a Los Angeles-based writer. He has contributed to The Los Angeles Times, LA Weekly, Amazon and The Los Angeles Beat, among other publications and sites.

For Addicts: Rat Cages or Playgrounds?
Be it drugs, alcohol, porn, overeating or whatever your personal addiction, put an abuser in a playground and see what happens.


SOURCE THE FIX



06/11/14




You've probably heard about those addiction studies with caged lab rats, in which the rats compulsively press the heroin dispensing lever again and again, even to the point of choosing it over food and starving themselves to death. These studies seemed to imply some pretty disheartening things about human nature. Our basic biology is not to be trusted; the seeking of pleasure leads to disaster; one must therefore overcome biological desires through reason, education, and the inculcation of morals; those whose willpower or morals are weak must be controlled and corrected.

The rat addiction studies also seem to validate the main features of the War on Drugs. First is interdiction: prevent the rats from getting a taste of drugs to begin with. Second is “education” – conditioning the rats into not pressing the lever in the first place. Third is punishment: make the consequences of taking drugs so scary and unpleasant that the rats will overcome their desire to press the lever. You see, some rats just have a stronger moral fiber than others. For those with a strong moral fiber, education suffices. The weak ones need to be deterred with punishments.


Perhaps marijuana is a gateway of another sort – a gateway to broader drug decriminalization, and beyond that, toward a compassionate and humble justice system not based on punishment.

All of these features of the drug war are forms of control, and therefore sit comfortably within the broader narrative of technological civilization: the domination of nature, the rising above the primitive state, conquering animal desire with the mind and the base impulses with morality, and so forth. That is, perhaps, why Bruce Alexander's devastating challenge to the caged rat experiments was ignored and suppressed for so many years. It wasn't only the drug war that his studies called into question, but also deeper paradigms about human nature and our relationship to the world.

Alexander found that when you take rats out of tiny separate cages and put them in a spacious “rat park” with ample exercise, food, and social interaction, they no longer choose drugs; indeed, already-addicted rats will wean themselves off drugs after they are transferred from cages to the rat park.

The implication is that drug addiction is not a moral failing or physiological malfunction, but an adaptive response to circumstances. It would be the height of cruelty to put rats in cages and then, when they start using drugs, to punish them for it. That would be like suppressing the symptoms of a disease while maintaining the necessary conditions for the disease itself. Alexander's studies, if not a contributing factor in the drug war's slow unraveling, are certainly aligned with it in metaphor.

Are we like rats in cages? Are we putting human beings into intolerable conditions and then punishing them for their efforts to alleviate the anguish? If so, then the War on Drugs is based on false premises and can never succeed. And if we are like caged rats, then what is the nature of these cages, and what would a society look like that was a “rat park” for human beings?

Here are some ways to put a human being in a cage:

—Remove as much as possible all opportunities for meaningful self-expression and service. Instead, coerce people into dead-end labor just to pay the bills and service the debts. Seduce others into living off such labor of others.

—Cut people off from nature and from place. At most let nature be a spectacle or venue for recreation, but remove any real intimacy with the land. Source food and medicine from thousands of miles away.

—Move life – especially children's lives – indoors. Let as many sounds as possible be manufactured sounds, and as many sights be virtual sights.

—Destroy community bonds by casting people into a society of strangers, in which you don't rely on and needn't even know by name the people living around you.

—Create constant survival anxiety by making survival depend on money, and then making money artificially scarce. Administer a money system in which there is always more debt than there is money.

—Divide the world up into property, and confine people to spaces that they own or pay to occupy.

—Replace the infinite variety of the natural and artisanal world, where every object is unique, with the sameness of commodity goods.

—Reduce the intimate realm of social interaction to the nuclear family and put that family in a box. Destroy the tribe, the village, the clan, and the extended family as a functioning social unit.

—Make children stay indoors in age-segregated classrooms in a competitive environment where they are conditioned to perform tasks that they don't really care about or want to do, for the sake of external rewards.

—Destroy the local stories and relationships that build identity, and replace them with celebrity news, sports team identification, brand identification, and world views imposed by authority.

—Delegitimize or illegalize folk knowledge of how to heal and care for one another, and replace it with the paradigm of the “patient” dependent on medical authorities for health.

It is no wonder that people in our society compulsively press the lever, be it the drug lever or the consumerism lever or the pornography lever or the gambling lever or the overeating lever. We respond with a million palliatives to circumstances in which real human needs for intimacy, connection, community, beauty, fulfillment, and meaning go mostly unmet. Granted, these cages depend in large part on our own individual acquiescence, but this doesn't mean that a single moment of illumination or a lifetime of effort can liberate us fully. The habits of confinement are deeply programmed. Nor can we escape by destroying our jailers: unlike in the rat experiments, and contrary to conspiracy theories, our elites are just as much prisoner as the rest of us. Empty and addictive compensations for their unmet needs seduce them into doing their part to maintain the status quo.

The cages suffer no easy escape. Confinement is not incidental to modern society, but woven deeply into its systems, its ideologies, and our own selves. At bottom are the deep narratives of separation, domination, and control. And now, as we approach a great turning, a shift in consciousness, we sense that these narratives are unraveling, even as their outward expressions – the surveillance state, the walls and the fences, the ecological devastation – reach unprecedented extremes. Yet their ideological core is beginning to hollow out; their foundation is cracking. I think that the lifting (still by no means assured) of the War on Drugs is an early signal that these superstructures are beginning to crack too.

A cynic might say that the end of the drug war would signal no such thing: that drugs make life in a cage more tolerable and absorb energy that might otherwise go toward social change. The opiate of the masses, in other words, is opiates! The cynic dismisses cannabis legalization in particular as a small, barely significant counter-eddy in an onrushing tide of imperialism and ecocide, an innocuous victory that does nothing to slow the onward march of capitalism.

This view is mistaken. Generally speaking, drugs do not make us into more effective cage-dwellers: better workers and consumers. The most notable exception is caffeine – significantly, virtually unregulated – which helps people wake up to a schedule they don't want to live and focus on tasks they don't care about. (I'm not saying that's all caffeine does, and in no way do I want to demean sacred plants like tea and coffee, which are among the only herbal infusions or decoctions still taken in modern society.) Another partial exception is alcohol, which as a stress reliever indeed makes life in our society more bearable. Certain other drugs – stimulants and opiates – also may serve these functions, but are ultimately so debilitating that the guardians of capitalism recognize them as a threat.

Yet other drugs, such as cannabis and the psychedelics, can directly induce nonconformity, weaken consumer values, and make the prescribed normal life seem less tolerable, not more. Consider for example the kind of behavior associated with marijuana smoking. The stoner is not on time for work. He sits around in the grass playing his guitar. He is not competitive. This is not to say that pot smokers don't contribute to society; some of the wealthiest Information Age entrepreneurs are reputedly smokers. In general though, the reputation of cannabis and the psychedelics to be disruptive of the established order is not without foundation.

The halting but substantial steps in several states and countries toward cannabis legalization is significant for several reasons beyond the well-known benefits regarding crime, imprisonment, medicine, and industrial hemp. First, it implies a release of the mentality of control: interdiction, punishment, and psychological conditioning. Second, as I just discussed, the object of control – cannabis – is corrosive to the cages we have lived in. Third, it is part of a deep shift in consciousness away from separation and toward compassion.

The mentality of control is predicated on the question of whom or what is to be controlled. Drug War thinking blamed the individual drug user for making poor moral choices, a view grounded in the theory that social psychologists call dispositionism – that human beings make free-willed choices based on a stable character and preferences. While dispositionism acknowledges the influence of environment, it says essentially that people make good choices because they are good people, bad choices because they are bad people. Deterrence, education, and interdiction spring naturally from that philosophy, as does our criminal justice system at large. Judgment and paternalism, inherent in the whole concept of “corrections,” are built into it, because it says, “If I were in your situation, I would have done differently than you.” In other words, it is an assertion of separation: I am different from (and if you are a drug addict, better than) you.

Note as well that the same belief motivates the War on Terror and, well, the war on pretty much anything. But there is a competing philosophy called situationism that says that people make choices from the totality of their situation, internal and external. In other words, if I were in your situation, including your entire life history, I would do as you do. It is a statement of nonseparation, of compassion. It understands, as Bruce Alexander shows us, that self-destructive or antisocial behavior is a response to circumstances and not a dispositional weakness or moral failing. Situationism motivates healing rather than war, because it seeks to understand and redress the circumstances that give rise to terrorism, drug addiction, germs, weeds, greed, evil, or any other symptom we go to war against. Instead of punishing drug use, it asks, From what circumstances does it spring? Instead of eradicating weeds with pesticides, it asks, What conditions of soil or agronomy are causing them to grow? Instead of applying extreme antiseptic hygiene and broad-spectrum antibiotics, it asks, What “climate of the body” has made it a salubrious environment for germs? That is not to say we never should use antibiotics or lock up a violent criminal who is harming others. But we cannot then say, “Problem solved! Evil has been conquered.”

Here we see how drug legalization is consistent with the reversal of a millennia-long paradigm I call the War on Evil. As old as civilization itself, it was originally associated with the conquest of chaos and the taming of the wild. Through history, it came to incinerate whole populations and nearly the planet itself. Now, perhaps, we are entering a gentler era. It is fitting that something from nature, a plant, should be a hinge for such a turning.

The growing movement to end the drug war might reflect a paradigm shift away from judgment, blame, war, and control towards compassion and healing. Cannabis is a natural starting point, because its widespread use makes the caricature of the morally weak abuser insupportable. “If I were in the totality of your circumstances, I would smoke too – in fact I have!” 

Marijuana has long been vilified as a “gateway drug,” the argument being that even if it isn't so dangerous itself, it ushers a person into the culture and habits of drug use. That canard is easily debunked, but perhaps marijuana is a gateway of another sort – a gateway to broader drug decriminalization, and beyond that, toward a compassionate and humble justice system not based on punishment. More broadly still, it may offer us a gateway away from machine values toward organic values, a symbiotic world, an ecological world, and not an arena of separate and competing others against whom one must protect oneself, conquer, and control. Perhaps the conservatives were right. Perhaps drug legalization would mean the end of society as we have known it.

Charles Eisenstein is the author of Sacred Economics among several other books.

Saturday, June 14, 2014

JUNE 14 v 9 TWELVE STEPPING WITH POWER IN THE PROVERB


Fools make fun of guilt,
but the godly acknowledge it and seek reconciliation.

STEP 5- Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.


If you think those haunting memories you keep having are not something to joke about  the longer you ignore and dodge the reality of the  things you have done the stronger and more persistent those haunting memories will become. Some say we are only sick as our secrets and I have found that to be so true . What ever it is take it to God and expose it so God can take it from you cause that is what He does . His son Jesus died for just that reason to set you free and give forgiveness .It is time to take responsibility and get rid of all that baggage its weighing you down and holding you back .

1st John 1 v 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.