MAY 13 v 16 TWELVE STEPPING WITH POWER IN THE PROVERB
 

Wise people think before they act;
fools don’t—and even brag about their foolishness.

 

STEP 7 - Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

How can you be wise when your a numb skull .That is what drugs and alcohol do to you make you a numb skull . Your an idiot if you think that you have everything under control and the life of addiction in which you live is normal. The enemy of your soul (addiction) wants to steal , torture , and eventually kill . I could not see any of this when I was lost in my world .That is what it was my world and I had all the answers . I was sick with pride , foolishness , guilt , depression , fear , insecurities , anger , and the list goes on . Addiction helped me build a wall , at first I thought these walls would keep me safe and protect me . The walls I discovered were a trap , a Dungeon built for my torture , a palace of pain and sorrows . Sixteen years was my sentence ! Some get life and others never get out . Look I do not know you , but I do know what it is like to live in that Dungeon ,to think I have all the answers and nobody loves me or even cares . Addiction is a cruel task master and it will continue to tell you want to hear because it wants you caged and silent or just dead prematurely. Stop listening to the lies and listen to the cries of loved ones . Pray for the hand of the Lord too give you sight too find the twelve steps out of that Dungeon .

2 Timothy 3 v 16 - All scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right .

By Joseph Dickerson

Daily Quote

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” - William Arthur Ward

Today's Online Meetings

AA Meeting - 8:00 pm CST: "Face to Face"

Copyright 2011 Community of Recovering People LLC

Privacy Policy

If you no longer wish to receive My Recovery emails, click here: Place my email on the "No eMail" list

 

Ride Registration at 9 AM  Family Picnic at 11 AM For more general information on the Ride  click here: https://www.livengrin.org/ride or  Call Sue Bright or Cheryl Jennings at Livengrin --  215.638.5200 Sponsor the Ride for Recovery,  help those battling addiction,  heighten your visibility with consumers in the region by  calling Scott Blacker at Livengrin --  215.638.5200  To Register to Ride or Buy Raffle Tickets to win a NEW Harley or $7,500, click here: https://www.livengrin.org/ride/register

STAY CONNECTED:

MAY 11 v 11 TWELVE STEPPING WITH POWER IN THE PROVERB

Upright citizens are good for a city and make it prosper,
but the talk of the wicked tears it apart.

STEP 5 - Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

What are you doing for yourself , family and community . My father was born in 1933 and the stories he shares of how people really cared for one another just a short seventy years ago gives me hope . Addiction is one of the main plagues in our society . Not only must we get sober but once we do we are obligated too give back too our communities and our fellow man . The Proverb definitely hit the nail on the head instead of this nation prospering like it did in the forties , fifties , and sixties ,it is just a few steps away from bankruptcy and complete moral collapse . In order to change this nation as a whole we have to start as , Michael sang about with the man in the mirror . What this country needs is GOD and His book (Bible) back in schools ! Our children have no foundation on which too build their lives . Most of the older folks will tell you without it life becomes what we have today a money driven , murderous , prideful , intoxicating , all about me society where children become back talking , God hating , greedy , murderous , lustful , unloving , little monsters who lack all empathy and respect for others or this great nation . . Without rules we will have division and anarchy and sadly enough this is the America we have today .

Deuteronomy 28 : 15 Now , if you diligently obey the voice of the LORD, your God, carefully observing all his commandments which I give you today, the LORD, your God, will set you high above all the nations of the earth.

By : Joseph Dickerson

The Introvert’s Guide to Non-Compulsive Drinking

If you like drinking a little too much, and don't like talking about your feelings in a self-help group, this is the guide for you.

Shutterstock

By Aaron Kuchta

05/09/14

Alcohol abuse is a serious subject, but a group setting is not the only way to address the issue. For some people, introverts and the socially awkward, talking about your feelings in a group is a waking nightmare. I’m not a people person. Large crowds stress me out. If I have a problem, and boy do I have problems, I'm going to try to fix it myself before I seek outside help. I was imbibing too much happy juice and it was getting in the way of my life goals. My drinking was like a leaky faucet, so I got out my toolkit, pulled my pants down to reveal just the right amount of plumber’s butt, and fixed that faucet.

Humans are habitual creatures, and habits keep us repeating the same patterns, even destructive ones. So, change the habit, conquer the problem. But I love my bad habit. I love drinking so much I can’t help sucking down drinks like they're water. There’s a line in The Empire Strikes Back where Yoda scolds Luke with “Control, control! You must learn control!” Control is a much better solution than abstinence when it's handled properly. I thought I was controlling my drinking by doing it at home. No need to worry about getting home safely or losing a wallet or phone. I was oh so wrong, but I can still have it all! It’s better to try to fix what’s broke before throwing it away, and the first step to fixing something is to figure out where the problem originated. 

STEP 1: REFLECTION. My underage drinking days were limited because someone couldn’t handle his alcohol. It tasted terrible. I gulped it down as fast as I could and tried not to puke, but everything led to puking. Dealing with the spins and upset stomach was too much and made for short nights. Peer pressure was never a huge factor because when I was done drinking, I disappeared. The old Irish goodbye. But puking, spinning, poor sleep, and zero energy the next day were major turn offs. That is, until I was introduced to the wonder of rum and coke.

After turning 21, rum became my one and only. I drank more because I loved what I drank and I set myself to conquering the cruel warriors of sickness. I went, as they say, balls to the wall. I stopped waiting for other people to be in the mood to drink and drank whenever I felt like it. My drinks were mixed strong and gone in a flash, but I was rarely without one. Binge eating relieved the upset stomach and spinning, and coffee and more booze were my uppers.

My friends defined me by my drinking, and I loved them for it. Being called an alcoholic was a high compliment. When I moved to the big city and my friends moved away, though, my drinking went from being a coping mechanism to the coping mechanism. My routine revolved around drinking and being alone. Everything else had to work around those two things. I couldn’t buy booze before I intended to drink it, and it never lasted more than a few days, no matter how much I bought. If, however, I was going to hang out with people, I expected to have drinks.

Drinking is fun, it releases the need to hold on to stress and it helps suppress feelings. Because ew, feelings. I got lost in the stereotype that all writers are heavy drinkers and I created a blog to show my support for the idea, but drinking and writing were not ideal combinations for me. It was one or the other and I was putting my dreams on hold to skip through a boozy meadow. The last straw came when I typed one word in my book and dropped everything to almost literally run to the liquor store. Even then I joked with my friend, but I knew I was flirting with danger like R2-D2 in the swamp waters of Dagobah.

STEP 2: REPLACE THE HABIT. The nagging voice in your head will tell you to drink, but you have to be strong and stubborn. Throw some choice expletives at that voice. I stopped cold turkey. Changed the routine. I was broke, so going out didn’t feel like an option. I had to substitute drinking with other things I loved to do, immersing myself in reading and writing, and even brushing up on my Spanish. Rough days at work, crying children, and loud neighbors were tough to deal with sober, but Friday night was the hardest. Game night with no booze was a major bummer. I had to settle for chugging water. Stubbornness paid off, though, and by the second week I not only had no desire to drink, but I wasn’t playing any video games, I wasn’t watching as much Netflix, and I was drinking a lot of water. Total lifestyle change. But I love drinking.

STEP 3: CONTROLLED REINTRODUCTION. The biggest key here is accountability. Start a rewards based system. If you don’t earn it, you don’t get it. When I got enough work done during the week, I was allowed a case of beer, but two weeks off had changed my taste buds as well as my tolerance. I tried to convince myself that the first taste was amazingly delicious, but honestly, it was kind of gross and I drank half as much as normal before switching to binge eating. The next day, I had no motivation or desire to do anything beyond watching Netflix. Epic fail. My other passions and dreams were put on hold yet again and it made mad, but sometimes failure is the best motivator. The rest of the case of beer sat in the fridge for a week and I was happy not to touch it. I was so determined to avoid another failure that when I finally did crack open the beer, I only allowed myself one or two, then switched to water. In a very short period of time, one drink every now and then became plenty.

STEP 4: CONSTANT VIGILANCE. A few months later, I find myself going a week or two without drinking. I still love it, but I can talk myself out of drinking most of the time by reminding myself that it’s not a priority. And I really hate the spins. Through stubbornness, not courage, I showed myself that I could be alone and have a good time without needing a boozy aid. Water is pretty good. I may have had to do some soul searching and deal with complex emotions I’d been burying for years and will be dealing with for years to come, but I convinced my mind and body that alcohol is a treat, not sustenance.

When it comes to handling vices, be it alcohol abuse or abuse by chocolate cake, you have to know what’s right for you. There’s a lot of introspection that goes on to find the cause of the problem and altering your behavior might not be something you can do alone. If you’re suffering from an out of control drinking problem, keep an open mind and focus on one thing at a time. You might not be able to make the root cause of the problem go away, but you can lasso the heck out of the drinking problem and bring it back into the herd. Learning control can be as daunting a task as Luke trying to get his X-wing out of the swamp, but with an open mind, a strong sense of accountability, and a great deal of stubbornness, any solitary minded individual can be like Yoda and accomplish the impossible.

Aaron Kuchta is a writer in New York City. He has a blog.

Sex and Drugs and Tennessee

There's a connection between America's biggest musical state and the drug epidemic there; our Tennessee correspondent investigates.

Photo via

By A.J. Dugger III

05/07/14

Nashville, Tennessee is the home of the Country Music Hall of Fame. It is also the place where Todd Harrell, bassist of the rock group Three Doors Down, wasarrested after a fatal car accident last year. At the time, he was allegedly under the influence of Lortab, Xanax and hard cider. According to reports, Harrell displayed signs of impairment during the field sobriety test. He checked into rehab shortly after the accident. The other driver in the accident, Paul Shoulers Jr, was pronounced dead not long after being transported to the hospital. Harrell was again taken into custody in February when police found him passed out in his vehicle at an intersection in Mississippi.

Memphis rappers are known for dabbling in drugs, particularly marijuana and Sizzurp—a mix of Promethazine with codeine (from cough syrup), the soft drink Sprite, and sometimes Jolly Rancher Candy as a flavor additive. The result is a feeling of lethargy and drowsiness. Lord Infamous of the Academy Award-winning rap group Three 6 Mafia shocked the rap world when he suddenly died in mother's house last December. 

"He had a heart attack in his sleep," said his half-brother and former bandmate DJ Paul. "His mother found him dead. He had been dead, the doctors say, for about five hours. And when she came home, he was sitting at the kitchen table with his head down on his arms. He had told his girlfriend that he was sleeping and he wanted to go to sleep. His girlfriend left and was like, 'You going to be fine?' And he was like, 'Yeah, I'm going to be good.' And she was like, 'You sure?' and he was like, 'Yeah, yeah, I'm positive, I just want to get some sleep.' So he laid his head in his arms at the kitchen table and he went to sleep and then when his momma came home, he was sitting at the kitchen table passed away.”

Though Lord Infamous' family and bandmates have never publicly mentioned drugs as a contributing factor to his demise, others have gone online with their suspicions. “Got a check, bought drugs, overdosed and died,” said a user named TucoTuco on the site hiphopdx.com. Some sources don't want to reveal their names but gave their own personal stories of witnessing Lord Infamous' alleged drug use. “I did a show with Lord Infamous a year ago and he was really bad on drugs,” said an anonymous commenter on hiphopdx.com. “He had an 'I need a Xanax bar' shirt on. While he was shooting a music video with my boy, Phsyco, he kept takin 'coke breaks.' Even being f*cked up, he rocked that show like no other. RIP Lord Infamous. I feel blessed I was able to perform n meet him. I just wish he would've got clean and sober because that man was a beast!”

Tabitha Smith, a 40-year-old rap fan in Memphis, followed the career of Three 6 Mafia. “They put the Memphis rap scene on the map,” she said. “Nobody was more excited than me when they won that Oscar (for Best Original Song) a couple of years ago. They deserved it. But what's so sad is that no one close to Lord Infamous is saying the obvious. I understand that they want to protect his reputation and legacy and all that, but drugs was one of the things Three 6 Mafia used to rap about. You write and rap about what you know. They were part of that street life and I think it caught up with him, sadly. His health was already bad.”

DJ Paul agrees with Smith's comment about his half-brother's health. In 2010, Lord Infamous suffered a stroke and a heart attack. "We don't know yet [if the two incidents were related]," he said. "It probably did. A lot of times people have heart attacks and a lot of people survive heart attacks and usually when they have that second, third one, it's pretty much over with." 

Another tragic drug-related death happened in 2010 when Memphis Musician Jay Reatard died ofcocaine toxicity and alcohol at the age of 29. With his long curly blond hair and arrogant attitude, Reatard was the epitome of a rock musician. He got his start playing in the underground punk rock scene with bands such as The Reatards and The Lost Sounds. He was a multi-talented musician, able to play keyboards, guitar, bass, percussion, as well as writing catchy songs and having a singular high tenor singing voice.

At the time of his death, he was receiving international stardom. His 2006 solo album, “Blood Visions,” made major waves far outside of Memphis and helped him cross over to the mainstream. According to Reatard's friend and fellow musician Daniel Stewart of the band, The UV Race, Reatard's upbringing might have had something to do with his sometimes hostile and addictive personality. “Jay grew up moving between small houses with paper-thin walls and trailers in the country. He also grew up poor in Tennessee, and he says he also felt very aware of being white. Jay grew up fast because he had to,” Stewart wrote on his website. Like many other addicts, Reatard struggled with his addictions, temporarily overcoming them but always regressing later. “He explained to me that his body had come to accept the delicate balance of stimulants and depressants that had defined his nocturnal activity since he was a teenager,” Stewart explained. “I know he was an insomniac because we usually crashed in the same hotel room where he’d basically talk until his mouth fell asleep. His drug binges had pushed his weight up and down drastically, and his back muscles were completely f*cked as a result, so he was in continual chronic pain.”

Stewart witnessed many occasions when Reatard would do well for a noticeable length of time but then submit to the temptations. It happened once when the two were on an international tour. “He stayed off the drugs entirely until we got to Perth where we were given a handful of acid. In the hotel room, buzzing, we sat around listening to each other's iPods, enjoying Hawkwind and Antidote as we fried.”

Steward has a clear memory of one of the last times Reatard dedicated himself to recovery. “One time when I spoke to him he was really drunk and depressed. He told me he’d started drinking again. He told me that his girlfriend had left him because he was being a f*ckup and that he’d fired the band. I was very sad to hear this, as I knew how much he loved their company, speaking about them with the kind of affection and frustration usually reserved for older siblings. He told me he was going to get his sh*t back together soon though and quit drinking, and he was excited to play some shows in the Midwest with us if we made it to the US.” 

Sadly, the shows never happened because of Reatard's sudden death at his Midtown Memphis home. “He was a legendary individual with a reputation for completely insensitive asshole behavior, but what I really appreciated about the time I spent with him was the self awareness that he had — that he knew his time was limited and he wanted to make his mark on the world through music. His favorite topic was himself, but unlike most people with incredibly uncomplicated existences who like talking about themselves, Jay had lived a very long life rich with hilarious, mortifying, disgusting and tragic experiences that made for great late night conversation.”

Drugs was also part of the story of The Dealers, a regionally successful funk band from Memphiswho were label-mates with the late pop megastar Michael Jackson on CBS Records at the height of their popularity. On any given night, The Dealers could be in any city in the country or in Canada sharing the same stage as Marvin Gaye, The Eagles, Jerry Lee Lewis, Kool and The Gang, The Supremes, Stevie Wonder and other acts. Roy McClaine was once a club owner who booked The Dealers many times during the 1970s and '80s. “They were the best band in Memphis for two decades straight,” he said. “The dance floor was flooded with people whenever they played. They put on a hell of a show.” “They were the best,” added a former Memphis Musician named Randall Pearson. “They had songs on the radio all over the country and seemed poised to take off.”

Being on the same record label as Michael Jackson during the Thriller era hurt the band because CBS spent most of their time and money on promoting the new King of Pop. In addition, some of the band members let their addictions get the better of them. The Dealers' bassist and lead choreographer Elton Johnson succumbed to congestive heart failure in 2007 at the age of 49. Though he was clean for several years before his death, his family agrees that his fast living lifestyle and years of drug use caught up with him. “He used the hard stuff - cocaine, crack, marijuana, and other substances,” said a family friend who wished for anonymity. “Elton was so talented. He was the best bassist in Memphis. I'm serious. He could sing, dance and play the bass all without missing a beat. But those drugs, man. Women and drugs. When you have access to whatever you want, you take it. Fame and money will change you.” 

Ricky Townes, who has been The Dealers' drummer since 1975, says that he's seen musicians rely on drugs because of their hectic schedules and lifestyles. “I saw a lot of people party too much,” he said. “If you're running your body nonstop, you can easily become dependent on drugs to sleep and do your shows. When you get that big, it's hard to balance your time. A lot of hard workers don't get rest.” Townes also points a finger at alcohol, which can also become a drug of abuse. “Alcohol is a drug too, but a lot of people don't acknowledge that. Some people say they're more creative when they're high or drunk. I don't agree with that. I never smoked or was high on stage. To me, performing is a job. If you're a lawyer, you wouldn't be drunk or high in the courtroom, would you?”

During the band's heyday, Townes says drugs and women were easy to get. “We have to be careful as musicians. Whatever your drug is, they (the music industry) will flood you with it. They'll do anything to manipulate you. Enablers give you anything you want to make money. This happens with athletes, too.”

Tennessee's most famous example of this is the late King of Rock and Roll, Elvis Presley. His personal physician, Dr. George Nichopoulos (whom Presley affectionately called “Dr. Nick”), wrote Presley 199 prescriptions from January through August 1977. The total was more than 10,000 doses of amphetamines, narcotics and sedatives. Presley had problems sleeping that only got worse after his mother's death and his stint in the United States Army during the late 1950s. In addition to taking medications to improve his sleep, he also took amphetamines, which kept him awake and helped him maintain his slender frame. As the years went by, Presley became more and more dependent on prescription drugs. When Nichopoulos refused to provide them, he would suddenly find his job in jeopardy. "He'd get mad at me, and he'd get on his plane and fly to Vegas or Palm Springs or California and stay for a few days and get what he wanted. And I'd have to take it away from him when he got back home," Nichopoulos explained. Despite the warnings that his friends and family would give him, Presley thought his prescription drug-intake was fine. "Elvis's problem was that he didn't see the wrong in it. He felt that by getting it from a doctor, he wasn't the common everyday junkie getting something off the street. He was a person who thought that as far as medications and drugs went, there was something for everything.” With Presley, one addiction would often lead to another. He overdosed twice on barbiturates in 1973. He then became addicted to Demerol, and to combat that addiction, Nichopoulos would give him methadone. Eventually, Presley overdosed in his Memphis Mansion, Graceland, in August 1977. When he died, the drugs in his system included Dilaudid, Percodan, Placidyl, Desbutal, Escatrol, Ritalin and others.

The stories of Memphis musicians using drugs do not end there. Eric Gales is a blues musician from Memphis who was arrested there for cocaine possession as he was unloading band equipment in June 2010. Over a year before his 2010 arrest, he served 21 months of a three-year sentence after violating probation four years earlier for gun and drug charges. “I was smoking weed on the road and I didn’t want to risk them telling me to come home in the middle of the tour because of a dirty urine sample,” he said in an interview. He was released in March 2010 but was arrested again that June. “I got caught up on Beale Street, man. I had some cocaine and some Xanax pills on me and wound up going to jail again. After that I made a decision that it wasn’t conducive for me to stay any longer in Memphis, Tennessee. I knew too many of the wrong people, and too many of the wrong people knew me.”

“I think there's a real conspiracy about this stuff,” said Evan Marshall, a bassist from Memphis who currently resides in Nashville. “I've seen it all. When you reach a certain level, they give you what you want. They don't give a damn about you, personally. They just want to make money off of you. It's a game to these record industry folks. And it ain't just them doing it. When you get big like that, people come from out of the shadows and want a piece of the pie. They want to get on your good side and enable you.” Marshall has played with different bands over the decades and witnessed several stars, including Presley, getting whatever they desired, despite the toll it took on them. “My girlfriend at the time worked for Mr. Presley,” said Marshall. “I met him a few times. He was a nice guy but he used to pace around and looked so bulky and sweaty. I remember after one show he couldn't calm down for nothing. But there were people around sitting by trying to act normal or giving him his drugs of choice. My girlfriend was afraid to say anything for fear of losing her job. Everyone else on Elvis' staff felt the same way.”

When asked if things will ever improve regarding this situation, Marshall closed his eyes and shook his head. “I've been in the business for over 30 years. Tennessee has a blessing and a curse regarding this. The blessing is the great music booming from these cities, especially country in Nashville and blues and rap in Memphis. No other cities do it better. The tragedy is that drugs and leeches always find their way to these talented musicians. That happens to musicians everywhere.”

A. J. Dugger lll is a journalist based in Clarksville, Tennessee. He recently published his first book, The Dealers: Then and Now. His last piece was on the prescription drug epidemic in his home state.