Comic Transformation
With 20 years of sobriety, comedian Ian Harvie looks back on coming out as a lesbian, then as an alcoholic and then as transitioning into a male body in The Fix Q&A.



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By Amy Dresner

07/03/14

If you haven’t heard about Ian Harvie, you will. He is the first FTM (that’s female to male for you not hip to queer lingo) transgender comic. He toured with Margaret Cho for over three years before becoming a headliner himself. He makes all the girls swoon and the gay guys pant. With his puppy dog eyes, boy next door charm and a beard that would make any hipster in Silverlake jealous, he is seriously likeable and attractive. Besides being sweet, funny and taking the piss out of himself on stage, he is also over two decades sober. His comedy routine about his journey from female to male is as amusing as it is eye opening. And when the curtain closes you have a brand new and progressive set of ideas about gender, sexuality and relationships. I was lucky enough to tour with Ian when I was still a stand up comic. And as he just landed a recurring role on a new TV series, I thought it was the perfect time to introduce the Fix readers to this remarkably brave and talented individual.

You’ve been sober for over 20 years. What was your bottom? How do you stay sober on a day to day basis?

It was a collection of my own bottomed out deeds while drinking that led to me feeling small and emotionally filthy. That ended up being too much for what was, at the time, my dwindling spirit. I guess I'm too sensitive because looking back my "bottom" doesn't sound that horrific from the outside; it was just horrific on the inside.

To stay in recovery I have to rat myself out in some fashion every day; sometimes it’s in a 12-step meeting, sometimes to my partner, sometimes it's a subtle comment to someone I barely know and sometimes I do it on stage. But I need to come clean about something every day, even if I've said it before, I need to say it again. It's kind of like a mini admission of what I used to be like and what I'm like now. That ratting myself out is not to remind me of my former deeds. I've long since let that go. It's entirely about not forgetting the amazing gifts I have today in recovery.


We figured if a former career armed criminal and heroin addict, a transgender man and alcoholic, and an LA Jewish princess and recovering meth head could get clean and sober, fuck, anyone can!

Before you transitioned, you were a lesbian… a big-busted one as well. You have been very forthcoming about drinking over your discomfort with your body and with your gender identity. Can you talk more about that?

Yes, I drank a lot over my body and how I felt about it in relation to my gender. But I was an alcoholic before that. Feeling weird about my body just gave me a legitimate reason to medicate with booze. At first I thought I was somehow special about my awkwardness and my body….unique, like we all do. But after some time away from drinking and getting clearer, I realized that everyone feels a little nuts about their body, specifically in relationship to their gender. If you feel 100% okay about your body, and you feel masculine enough or feminine enough in your body every day of your life, then you're the fucking weirdo, not us. Learning that, I finally was at ease. I'm not perfect with it, nor do I expect to be, which allows me to let go even more.

You actually took me on two sober tours with you and Felon O’ Reilly back when I was still doing stand up: “We Are Not Saints” and “Laughs Without Liquor." How did the whole sober tour thing start? What is your experience doing stand up for others in recovery vs. normies?

Felon started it over a decade ago because he began performing standup and some of his friends couldn't legally come to liquor pouring establishments, [because they were] mandated by the court. So he created a regular space where they could come and laugh in a clean and sober environment. There was a big turnout locally and he continued it regionally. He then brought me in and then we brought you in and went around the country. We did recovery centers, clubhouses, and theaters around all the major cities, no booze served. We figured if a former career armed criminal and heroin addict (Felon), a transgender man and alcoholic (me), and an LA Jewish princess and recovering meth head (you) could get clean and sober, fuck, anyone can! We raised thousands and thousands of dollars for recovery-based organizations around the country and we got to tease the shit out of you the entire time while doing it. You were like our little sister on the road with us.

Sober or recovery audiences are intensely present and want to laugh. I think they're some of the best audiences around exactly for those reasons.

You just landed a role on Jill Solloway’s new series “Transparent." Tell me about that.

“Transparent” is about an LA family with serious boundary issues who have their past and future unravel when a dramatic admission causes everyone's secrets to spill out. Jeffrey Tambor plays the lead, a father who is reconsidering his gender, decides to transition, and comes out at 68 to his three children.

I play the role of “Dale," a furry-faced, lumberjack kind of trans man and the love interest of “Ali," the youngest daughter, played by Gabby Hoffmann. I am playing a character that I happen to share quite a bit in common with. You might say we have similar souls. And for me it's especially exciting to be a trans man playing a trans man on TV. Also, I've craved seeing more of trans people in trans roles on TV. I hope I give Dale's character truth.

The process was absolutely non-traditional Hollywood and now I know now that's exactly who Jill is. She's driven by love, instinct and creative vision in her storytelling, and Amazon trusts her and allows her to keep those core values in the TV show-making process. When she called me to officially offer me the part, I was super emotional and I thanked her and said "I won't let you down." She quickly came back with "No, I won't let YOU down!" I was teary. I can't thank her enough for bringing me into her Transparent family.

You can watch the pilot on Amazon here. The series will be out on Amazon Prime at the end of September.

You recently shot your one hour comedy special “Super Hero," executive produced by Margaret Cho. How has this been received?

I'm really proud that I made MY OWN feature-length concert film, IAN HARVIE SUPERHERO, and that my friend Margaret (Cho) executive produced it. It's about my life and ratting myself out about my feelings about my body and my experiences before, during, and after changing it. It was so well received that it ended up screening at over 25 festivals worldwide including OUTFEST here in Los Angeles and Frameline in San Francisco. It won best of the fest at Palm Springs and Kansas City LGBT Film Festivals and People's Choice at Fort Lauderdale International Film Festival. The film was just released to the public in April 2014 and is now available for download for five dollars on my web site: www.ianharvie.com. Here is the trailer for IAN HARVIE SUPERHERO:

You’ve said you do not identify as “male” but you do identify as a “man." Can you explain the difference?

For me biological sex is something science-y and gender is something I get to play with and create every day. This is just my opinion and how I feel about myself. For me, no matter how much testosterone I take throughout my life, I will always be biologically or genetically female. But if you meet me and talk to me and listen to me and experience me, you will see and feel undeniably that I am a man, albeit a self-made one, but a man, nevertheless. It's not important to me to be male and I am completely accepting and grateful that I was born female. I have such a rich life experience having lived as both man and woman. Not many folks get to claim that experience. I love all of my history even the hard parts. I wouldn't trade a single moment of it! And I also believe that I am who I say I am regardless of what my body might say to the world. It's taken me a long time to get to that place, where I know who I am is not up for public debate.

You take testosterone for your transition and some AA fundamentalists have said that steroid use is a relapse as it can alter your mental state and be psychologically addictive. What is your opinion?

Quite simply, testosterone is not a steroid. It’s a hormone and not physically addictive. It's legitimately prescribed by my physician and what any fundamentalist AA people might think about me or my taking it is not my business.

Self-love, self-acceptance and feeling comfortable in your own skin is something almost all alcoholics seem to struggle with. Do you think it’s harder for gay or trans people to get sober?

Everyone struggles, everyone. In my opinion, and this is just my opinion, my struggle is the same as everyone else's. For me it's not healthy to think that my struggle is harder or easier or more unique. It just is. I have such shared experience with everyone around me: our struggle with self-love, acceptance, being in our skin, sexual identity, or just generally feeling like we’re enough in this world. That describes pretty much everyone I know, sober or otherwise.

So first you came out to your parents as a lesbian. Then as an alcoholic. Then as a transman. What were their reactions to each of these revelations?

Strangely, I think my alcoholism was the hardest for them to grapple. I don't think they saw that the struggle was with booze. And I was pretty young so I think they might have thought I was just trying to figure out who I was, typical youth kind of floundering around. They didn't know I moved to Ohio at 19 because the drinking age was 19 and I thought, THAT'S THE STATE FOR ME! They weren't aware of my obsession with drinking before I ever put it to my lips. And on the other hand, I think they somehow knew for a long time something was going on with my overall sexuality and my gender because I started feuding with my Mom at 4 and 5 years old about not wanting to wear dresses and girl clothes. That feud continued through all of high school and beyond. So I think that was pretty glaring and they couldn't possibly say with a clear heart that they weren't aware of that on some level. But none of these revelations rocked their world. I have unusually unfaltering, loving parents. They are amazing and have stuck by me no matter what and I love them.

What do you have to say to other queer folk struggling with addiction?

I'm right there with you. I get you and you're among good company with your struggle. It gets better. But you gotta stick around sober for it to get better and receive all the amazing gifts. I would give them my number and tell them to call me.

Amy Dresner is a columnist for The Fix. She last wrote about gay pride and hating Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous.

How Does AA Work? 

Just Fine
Despite passionate arguments pro and con, a recent study shows that the 12-step process continues to be effective treatment for alcoholism.



SOURCE THE FIX

By Zachary Siegel

06/27/14



I have read in the comment sections on The Fix that AA is a sadistic cult. I have also read testimonials such as “AA saved me from myself and I would be dead without it.” I have read that AA is willy-nilly fear-based faith healing. I have read an experience written by a man who was sober for 26 years, who quit going to AA, drank, and lost everything. I have read that members of AA told other members to stop taking their medications, and as a result, committed suicide.

The above anecdota are probably all, to an extent, somehow, true. But I continue to find myself a stranger in a strange land when I enter comment sections. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy open forums of expression—I’d probably miss them if they disappeared, after all they’re quite amusing—but what I am sensitive to are people forming their opinions based on anecdotoids and ad hominem diatribes from ungrounded and unfounded sources.

Reading the anecdota, especially while you’re navigating the Internet for information to help yourself, can both infect and prime your experience while out in the world. For example, take self-diagnosis via WebMD. We all know it’s a bad idea but people continuously lose sleep over internet medical diagnoses. The same goes for all of the polarizing views on recovery, but even more so when AA is in question. The dichotomy alone will leave you baffled.

This article, however, will avoid polarizing sentiments and explain—in as plain of English as possible—a recent study published in the Journal of Substance Abuse and Treatment, and later adapted by Counselor Magazine as: Understanding twelve step involvement from a research perspective (Majer, Jason, & Ferrari, 2014).

Consider this an effort to show that rigorous scientific methodologies are being applied to twelve-step ideology. And it is the research that I am about to relay to you that people should place over the already mentioned anecdotoids when forming opinions about AA’s efficacy and the current systems of recovery in America.

And on that same note, cherry picking through comment sections—and actually using those comments made by someone who might be in AA—to support your arguments, while considering yourself an expert in the field, is part of the problem.

That it isn’t to say, though, that the current model doesn’t need improvement, and that we shouldn’t be critical of such a complex. We should be critical. But one must be informed in order to be critical properly, is all.

The Study

Conducted out of DePaul University’s Center for Community Research, the present study recruited 150 persons who were exiting an inpatient treatment center in northern Illinois.

Once recruited, participants were randomly assigned to two groups. Group 1 assigned participants to live in an Oxford House (SAMHSA approves of the Oxford House model). Group 2 assigned people to “usual after-care.” I asked the second author, Dr. Leonard Jason, director of the Center for Community Research at DePaul University, what was meant by “usual after-care.” He said, “It often involved going back to family or friends, or other places such as shelters or wherever they can find a place to live, even if temporarily.”

Once assigned to the two conditions (Oxford House or usual after-care), participants were interviewed every six months over a two-year period. What I found to be nothing short of amazing about this specific study was that the research team was able to keep track of over 85% of both their groups. Drug addicts and alcoholics are not the easiest population to keep track of.

The participants were interviewed every six months up until two years as to whether or not they were still abstinent from both drugs and alcohol. Participants were also scored, at each interview, as to whether or not they were categorically involved in AA. This means that those participants who met these four criteria: doing service work, having a sponsor, reading the literature, and calling other members for help were scored as being “categorically involved.” Participants who met 3 or less of these criteria were not categorically involved.

Another intelligent nuance of this study was that meeting attendance was not part of the criteria for categorical involvement. The study explained this by noting that meeting attendance is too inconsistent of a measure to really understand if one is actually involved in AA or not. For instance, someone who is new might go to 5 meetings a week whereas someone “with time” will go to 1 meeting every few weeks, and both would consider themselves members. There was also mention that meeting attendance has been linked to polarizing outcomes across studies. For these reasons, meeting attendance was left out of this study altogether.

Results and Implications

• Participants who were scored as being “categorically involved” (meeting all four of the aforementioned criteria) were 2.8 times more likely to maintain abstinence from both alcohol and illicit drugs at two years than those who were not categorically involved.

• Participants who were randomly assigned to Group 1 (Oxford House) were 5.6 times more likely to remain abstinent from drugs and alcohol at 2 years than those in Group 2 (usual after-care).

In sum, these results mean that those who remained involved (categorically: having a sponsor, reading the literature, doing service work, and calling other members for help) in AA, two years post-treatment, were more likely to be sober than those who were not.

This study also shows that those who live in an Oxford House (or possibly a recovery home) after treatment are far more likely to remain sober at the two-year mark than those who do not live in a communal residential setting.

There were other results of this study that were more specific to researching self-report instruments, and for the purposes of this post I left those results out.

Limits

A method of this study one may find problematic is that the population was clinical, meaning participants were recruited upon their exiting an inpatient treatment center. This is a valid concern because many treatment centers today are 12-step based. The research team of this study suggested that future research ought to make use of a community-based sample, meaning people randomly selected from the community, not those who found their way into a treatment center, would comprise the population of the study.

So what?

Many who read The Fix, who do not believe AA to be an effective support group, may scoff at these results—and that is OK. If people are truly dedicated to social change, as the researchers who conducted this study are, they will then amend the system from the inside out. Hijacking and trolling Internet comment sections will not cut it. The fact is, clinicians read studies like the one I just presented and in the discussion section of such studies the researchers can advise clinicians to,

“Encourage clients' active and concurrent involvement in a number of Twelve Step activities early in their recovery such as the ones used in the present study, and consider referrals to self-run, communal-living settings like Oxford Houses” (Majer, Jason, & Ferrari, 2014).

Please note, I am not saying AA is the end-all-be-all of solutions. That is nonsense. I’d like to see more options available for people. I am also not saying that AA gets and keeps people sober. All that I am saying is what a scientifically rigorous research design found, which is that AA increases your chances. Period.

I’m a realist when it comes to AA. I don’t believe in spiritual realms or any beyond-worlds. I don’t think spiritualism is required to beat any illness. But it also doesn’t matter what I believe because today in America doctors, clinicians, and other professionals look toward empirical results—positivism!—and such are the results that have just been presented to you. And so long as studies like the one I just presented are finding these results (there are many more where this came from), AA will still be recommended to people seeking help.

Alleged AA brainwashing conspiracy agendas, coupled with ad hominem circumstantial arguments, will not bring about a meaningful reevaluation of recovery in America. In order for there to be a dramatic overhaul of the current recovery-complex, it must be shown—proven rather—that it is broken.

Zachary Siegel is a writer based in Chicago. He last wrote about existentialism and AA vs. NA.

JULY 3 v 1 v 2 v3 TWELVE STEPPING WITH POWER IN THE PROVERB

My child, never forget the things I have taught you.
Store my commands in your heart.
If you do this, you will live many years,
and your life will be satisfying.

STEP 3 Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

No matter how many pills I popped or gallons of booze I drank . I could never fill the empty void I had inside .  No matter what we try to do with our lives there always seems to feel like there is something missing .I spent a large portion of my life using sex and drugs to make my life complete and happy . But I discovered after much pain and hardship that the
things of this world are empty pursuits designed too distract you and keep you lost and empty . The very enemy of your soul wants too keep you lost and take you away from the only one who can fill that void .
What I was missing was being one with the One who created me . We are here for a reason and we are a special treasure to God . God knows whats best for your life but you and the enemy keep getting in the way . The 12 steps will introduce you too God . Finding God and developing a relationship with him will fill that void and your life will be fulfilled .


Philippians 4 : 19
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Daily Quote

“Waking up this morning, I smile. Twenty-four brand new hours are before me. I vow to live fully in each moment and to look at all beings with eyes of compassion.” - Thich Nhat Hanh

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July 2 v 7 TWELVE STEPPING WITH POWER IN THE PROVERB

He stores up sound wisdom for the upright;
He is a shield to those who walk uprightly;

STEP 3 Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.



All the years I spent running the streets did not teach me a damn thing . Yes I learned to fight and survive but what I did not learn was , how to live a life of peace . Way deep down in my heart , I knew I was capable of so much more and life just had to be better than this . When I found my step one , I was done , spent , I had nothing left and the daily aches and pains were choking the little bit of life I had left out of me. My step one was my last attempt at life if God did not answer me this time I was gonna put an end to my BS life . I look back now and realize pride had me blinded and I could not see that surrender in life at your lowest point is not giving up it is the first step in getting up and living again . The moment you get up and receive Gods wisdom from above is the moment you become free to live again in His grace . Lay it all down before you go to the grave as another sad story never reaching your full potential or fulfilling your God given purpose.



Job 11:13-15 Surrender your heart to God, turn to him in prayer, and give up your sins— even those you do in secret. Then you won’t be ashamed; you will be confident and fearless.

 

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