Monday, April 20, 2015


Best of the week from Choose Help

Adult Children of Alcoholics and Addicts: Haven’s Story

Adult Children of Alcoholics and Addicts: Haven’s Story
As we focus on adults in recovery from addiction, we often overlook the needs of their children. In many cases they have to find their own way.
There are some stories that go untold. As we focus on adults in recovery from addiction, we often overlook the needs of their children.
In addition to what kids have to go through when their parents are active, there are countless adjustments following their parent's recovery that often go unsupported. The long-term affects of this failure can be debilitating. As the adage advises: "What we lived with we learned. What we learned we became."

Haven's Story

HAVEN is an amazing young woman who reached out to me long after I helped facilitate her father's recovery. She thanked me for helping her dad as he is thriving today but went on to ask, "You remember me as a kid. I'm an adult now but I'm by no means grown up. What am I supposed to do?"
To best determine what would be helpful and to support her in having a voice, I encouraged Haven to share her story of surviving her parent’s addictions and mental illness and what her needs are today. Her insights as an Adult Child Of an Alcoholic/Addict (ACOA) show wisdom well beyond her years:
“I want you to know that no one in the last three generations of my family had a 'normal'childhood. When I was born, my parents were turning 20 and 21. It was kids having kids. To be honest I don't think anyone really 'grew up'. While I wasn’t ever free to just be a kid, it takes longer for people like me to mature emotionally. We tend to stay stuck at the same mental ages as when we were the most hurt. For me that’s eight years old.”

A Child’s Wish

Clinicians call it “magical thinking”. A child wants something so desperately, they simply decide that bad things were only a dream and/or good things are going to happen because they are necessary. Haven explains this occurring in her childhood:
“I had the strongest wish, a theory, that this was all a horrible nightmare, and that I would wake up tomorrow with everyone home, sober, and filled with love. And every time I realized that wasn't going to happen, it broke my heart even more. Then there were times where I wish we could just pretend, and maybe it would just end up working out.”

Being Parentified

Growing up in a family where addiction and/or abuse and neglect is present forces a child to take on roles to compensate for the ways in which the family fails to function in a healthy manner. Most literature on ACOAs recognizes the roles of Hero, Mascot/Clown, Scapegoat, Lost Child, and as in Haven’s case, being a Caregiver:
“My parents did drugs when I wasn't there and drank when I was there. They fought a lot. My mother had a mental health disorder and both of them had a drinking/drug problem. I was eight when the divorce was enacted.
protected my brother from the things that I couldn't protect myself from. I was young, but I remember how scared I was. He wasn't old enough to remember any of it, which I am glad for. I wish he had some of the good memories. “

Labels

“I’ve been labeled an "affected other". That term is so cold and unfeeling to me. It doesn't express the trauma of what I’ve been through. I had to move my bureau in front of my door because I was afraid my Mother's “parties” would enter my bedroom. No child should have to deal with that. “Affected other” doesn't even begin to describe the things I have seen, heard and felt.
Kids are seen as resilient little creatures that bounce back no matter what you do. That notion is deceiving. Sure we “bounce back”, but the way we do can be pretty nasty and disfigured. Only a lucky few can take all that hurt and anger and turn it into something amazing. Some of us become artists, some therapists, others become singers. Music is how I cope and singers are what got me through my low points. Unfortunately, many of us go on to become what we feared: addicts and alcoholics.”

Her View on Recovery

"Only one of my parents is in recovery. The other I have lost all contact with and I prefer it that way. In my mind, when someone is in recovery, they are in for life. It isn't a crutch, it isn't an excuse, its a safety system. Going it alone isn’t manageable. We are pack animals, and when the disease makes you turn on your family of origin, you need another pack that knows what you are going through to help. The family of originmustn’t become enablers and babysitters, but rather, light houses.

How the Past Impacts Her Present

“I have been hurt so much by my parents that I have a hard time trusting people. I am always positive and strong, but if you could project the inside of my mind, it's riddled with worry, self-hatred, loneliness, disgust and love for this world, indecision, depression, anxiety, artistic abilities, a rhythm that would put Elvis to shame, and a need for me to help people with what I have experienced.
According to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, I am a Healer. That’s what I tried to do with my parents. I tried to be a mother to them, when they were supposed to be taking care of me. My greatest challenge is to get as good at taking care of me as I am at taking care of others. I have learned that there’s a world of difference between caring for and taking care of."
Today Haven identifies creative expression, writing, and sharing her story for the benefit of others as ways to ensure her continued growth and healing. She is currently pursuing a bachelor’s degree in the field of health and human services. She shows great wisdom in identifying the need for further healing before entering the field.

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And, as always, thank you for reading!
All the best to you and yours,


Martin Schoel,
founder of Choose Help
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Addiction and Recovery News 4/14/2015 KLEAN Weekly w/ Pat O'Brien
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Friday, April 17, 2015


April 17 CHP 16 v 4 TWELVE STEPPING WITH STRENGTH FROM THE PSALMS 



Troubles multiply for those who chase after other gods. I will not partake in their sacrifices of blood or even speak the names of their gods.
 (GODS BIG BOOK )


STEP 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.


When folks say a God of our understanding , that does not mean of your creation. So many are deceived and pursue the wrong higher power and then they wonder why their lives are still empty and miserable. There is but one GOD ! He is the creator of all there is and was and that includes you . Don ' t listen to what people in the rooms are trying to tell you about there false gods. Listen to your heart and buy His book (GODS BIG BOOK)Life Recovery Bible .He is available 24/7 all you have to do is pray and read .


Isaiah 44:66 - Thus saith the LORD the King of Israel, and his redeemer the LORD of hosts; I [am] the first, and I [am] the last; and beside me [there is] no God.(GODS BIG BOOK) 
By Joseph Dickerson
 Women for Sobriety, Inc.
What Can We Do In 2015?

UPDATE April 11, 2015:  From March 21st, when we announced this fundraiser, up to today... YOU have raised a grand total of $2,360!!  Not only have YOU matched Teddy's Challenge, YOU have EXCEEDED it!  So... HOW MUCH HIGHER CAN YOU GO??!!  There are EIGHT MORE WEEKS TO GO to raise more $$ for WFS... the CHALLENGE CONTINUES...

THE CHALLENGE IS ON!  WFS online member, TeddyBear, has generously donated $1,000 to WFS and challenges each and every one of you to match her donation by contributing any amount ($5, $15, $40, $75,....) until it meets or EXCEEDS her donation by the time of our WFS Conference in June.  Click to donate here:http://www.wfscatalog.org/Donations_c16.htm
Thank you, Teddy, for your kindness and generosity; and for inspiring all of us to help support Women for Sobriety's much-needed services!  Every dollar counts!  WE CAN DO THIS TOGETHER!!

Capable & Competent; Caring & Compassionate!,
Becky Fenner, WFS Director


Email:  newlife@nni.com   *   Tel215-536-8026   *   Fax:  215-538-9026
http://www.womenforsobriety.org   *   http://www.wfscatalog.org
 
 

Lou Esposito(The Capris) & Rock -N- Roll Hall of Fame Member 

RIR Musical Director and Rock Hall Member Lou Esposito, will be heading out in May with the RIR All-Stars for a couple of months of hard hittin' rock and roll.

Lou and the rockers will be bringing Addiction Awareness & Prevention Through Rock -N- Roll to several cities across the United States. Lou will be announcing some very special guests that will be joining up with the band on the road to do a few songs and help promote awareness that there is help for addiction issues.     
Learn More


 Andy Burton, Keyboard Player of Robert Plant's Band and John Mayer's Band

Keyboard Player Andy Burton from John Mayer's Band and Robert Plants Band will be doing the upcoming gigs through September with the RIR All-Stars .
Andy Burton has toured with artists like Rufus Wainwright, Curtis Stigers, and Ian Hunter. He is currently performing with singer/songwriter John Mayer around the globe. See More on Andy Click Here 

May 24th,  Drummer Liberty Devitto (The Slim Kings, and Billy Joel) Jamming with the RIR All-Stars.   

Drummer Liberty Devitto from the The Slim Kings, and longtime Drummer for Billy Joel will be doing the upcoming gig in NJ with the RIR All-Stars. 

Lib has toured with the RIR All-Stars in the past and we look forward to having him with us May 24th in NJ.  See up-coming concerts/festivals. Read more about Liberty Devitto's 40 year history in Rock-N-Roll. Click Here ToRead More

Mark Stein Vocalist, Keyboardist, Composer, and Arranger of Vanilla Fudge.. 

Mark Stein is the lead vocalist, keyboardist, composer, and arranger of Vanilla Fudge.  Mark first founded Vanilla Fudge in 1966 at the age of 18 with members Tim Bogert, Vinny Martell, and Carmine Appice. In the short time they were together the band enjoyed their first giant success with their first Atco album release self-entitled Vanilla Fudge.
  
The first album was a ground-breaking work since it was the first album to reach the top ten on Billboard's charts without a hit single. The legendary rock arrangement of You Keep Me Hangin' On became the band's first hit single nearly two years after the release of the first album.

During the 1960's the Fudge were one of rock's most exciting, high-energy touring bands, setting the stage for the likes of Jimmy Hendrix, Deep Purple, and even Led Zeppelin. Through a total of five albums and the tireless touring, the legendary Vanilla Fudge influenced artists around the world with their inspired performances and unique musical interpretations. Bands like Yes, The Who, Deep Purple, and many others have credited Vanilla Fudge with having a profound effect on their Learn More
 

Drew Preston Project     

Originally a classic rock guitarist and composer from the Frampton/Santana/Hendrix schools.
Drew ventured into rock/jazz fusion in the 80s to become a sought after NYC session player who routinely jammed with fusion greats including the late Hiram Bullock, Delmar Brown, and Darryl Dobson among others. 

Preston's unique style was frequently compared to guitar icons such as Steve Lukather, Larry Carlton and Neal Schon. Read More  
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Bassist Muddy Shews(Southside Johnny) Returns To The RIR All-Stars. 

Bassist Muddy Shews (Southside Johnny) whom has toured with the RIR All-Stars in the past will be joining RIR as the bands bass player for the up-coming shows over the next couple of months. See up-coming concerts/festivals  Learn More

Casey Montana Rogers, RIR Unplugged Musical Director    

Meet our RIR Unplugged Musical Director Casey Montana Rogers a nineteen-year-old singer-songwriter from North Georgia, currently attending college to major in Music Business. Casey did her 1st RIR Unplugged in Maryland April of 2014, she went on to tour as the opening act for the RIR All-Stars through 2014 and will be doing the same through 2015 as Musical Director of RIR Unplugged.
Meet RIR Unplugged(Established 2012) Musical Contributors-

Lou Esposito   
Marion Weston
Michael Mostel
Paul Wilson & Friends    
Johnathan Fiene
Casey has and still is recording in Nashville, her songs like "Battle Scars" are played on the radio, and at many local RIR Addiction Awareness Meet & Greet events, which is all exciting. However, for Casey the most rewarding part of being a musician is having people hear her songs and relate them to their own stories in life.  Read More

Rapper In Recovery Tony Ray   

Tony Ray Music Motivation Recovery Ministry... In a world of chaotic world influence he has come to use his gifts for a calling to serve those in recovery... Read More


UPCOMING ROCKERS IN RECOVERY EVENTS 
Feel Free To Print or Share The Flyers Below 







RIR All-Star Band Established In 2011 By RIR Founder Lori Sullivan. 

Meet Our Current RIR Band Musical Contributors -
M.D., Rock Hall Member, Lou Esposito
Casey Montana Rogers- (RIR Band)   
Liberty Divitto - (Billy Joel) 
Muddy Shews-(Southside Johnny) 
Andy Burton-( John Mayer)  
Mark Stein -(The Vanilla Fudge)
Eliot Jacobs- (The Capris)
Greg Deppe- (Bruce Springsteen)
John Gianoulis- (Earl Slick Band)
Jeff Ganz- (Johnny Winter)

Ben Smith - (Heart)Jeff Ousley - (Heart)
David Shelley- (Government Mule)
David Uosikkinen -(The Hooters)
Colin McGuinness -( Axl Rose)
Tommy Conwell - (Tommy Conwell & The Young Rumblers)
Share Ross-(VIXEN)
Bam Tastic - (The Dogs D'Amour)

Drew Preston - (Johnny B. & The Road Dogs)  
 
Anyone At Anytime May Just Show Up and Play - The  Musicians who just showed up and played have been musical contributors to RIR's mission through our unplugged sets, concerts, and festivals and have  supported  the recovery lifestyle are Simon Kirke(Bad Co.),Ian Hunter (Mott The Hoople), Michael Des Barres, Billy J. Kramer, LaLa Brooks (The Crystals), Handsome Dick Manitoba (The Dictators, Little Steven's Underground Garage), Gene Cornish (The Rascals), Peppy Castro (Blue Magoo's), Mark Bosch (Ian Hunter Rant Band, Garland Jeffries), Ross the Boss (The Dictators), Joe Hurley (Joe Hurley and The Gents, Keith Richards' LIFE), Arno Hecht and Larry Etkin (Uptown Horns), Adam Roth (Billy J. Kramer), Marge Raymond (singer/songwriter/actress), and Dave Uosikkinen(The Hooters),Jeff Kazee (Southside Johnny, Bon Jovi), along with his band mates Chris Anderson, Neal Pawley from Southside Johnny.Learn More  

Lori Sullivan 
"Addiction Awareness & Prevention Through Rock -N- Roll"

Partnership for Drug-free Kids
 
 
You're Invited:
Live Facebook Chat to Help Parents Navigate Changing Marijuana Landscape

These days, it’s becoming harder for parents to talk with teens about marijuana. But we are here to help.

Join us Monday, April 20 from8 p.m. - 8:30 p.m. EDT for a special live Facebook Chat with Heather Senior, LCSW, Partnership Parent Support Network Manager. She will answer your questions and help you better navigate the changing marijuana landscape and have productive conversations with your teens.

To participate, please visit and "Like" the Partnership for Drug-Free Kids’ Facebook page at 8 p.m. EDT. The chat will take place right under the announcement image in the comment thread. Please make sure to refresh your browser throughout the chat to view all comments in real time.

We invite you to submit questions in advance and Heather will do her best to answer them during the chat.
 

For additional support on what you need to know to talk to your teen about marijuana, visit drugfree.org/MJTalkKit and follow the conversation online at#MJTalkKit.
 
 
 
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